The pleas

Don’t uproot me, please don’t uproot me,

Let me breathe and let me be…

Some whims the world has, some my own;

Some you like, some you do not.

If I hold on to the ones I like

Will you turn away and leave me to rot?

There are storms to bear

And deserts to see.

But please do not suffocate me in a forest

To protect me.

Don’t uproot me, please don’t uproot me,

If you want me to live then let me be…

The future of relationships

Let’s accept it. The present does not look too appealing as far as modern relationships are considered.

People are increasingly growing comfortable in their own space and the entry of any intruder into this private space is looked upon with contempt. The search for an ideal mate consequently has become very challenging. In fact many people willingly choose to remain single for life. While this is not a bad idea these people also miss out on consortium. They are ready to settle down provided they find the exact person they have in mind.

This perpetually single lifestyle often does not suit people. They miss the availability of sex, the pleasure of permanent partnership, the shared midnight sobs about life’s failures and other things that technically come under spousal comforts.

So what do you do when you do not like whatever is available? You go for something custom made.

And that’s exactly what our future generations would do.

Soon every one would have a genetically engineered spouse custom made to suit the needs of the modern man and woman. And if they get bored with the outcome they can always request for a tweak in the chromosomes to bring about the desired changes. In short a relationship with a person made to appease their own set of idiosyncrasies…the perfect relationship.

What??? Getting judgemental? That’s the way it has always been…the older generations can never appreciate the changes. If you are finding it too weird it just confirms that they would find it too alluring.  

Why wives get furious about porn…

No two women are similar. Even the most accomplished womanizer cannot claim to have an exhaustive knowledge of the female psyche. Still I am taking the risk of making a broad classification of married women based on their reaction about porn.

Type 1: They are the ones who condemn the act of copulation.  They do not like to have sex and they only sleep with their husbands to complete their spousal duty. It’s no wonder that they get furious if and when they catch their husbands treating themselves with porn.

Type 2: They are the possessive ones. They enjoy their time between the sheets and cannot stand the fact that her guy still feels like watching porn when she has already given him the real experience. She takes it as a personal defeat and gets mad at the erring husband. [There is a little bit of this type lurking in all women actually.]

Type 3: They are the ones with a will to explore options. They enjoy watching porn and have their own personal collection. These women like to watch and enact later. They get furious if their men do not share porn time with them.

Type 4: They are the very unfortunate ones who are married to boring men with low libido. These women get furious because they keep hoping that their men would watch porn and learn some new tricks but never ever does that wish come true.

PS: Don't worry if you fail to categorize your woman...told you it is difficult to foray into the dark alleys of her mysterious mind.

Bengali Valentine's Day

So Saraswati puja is around the corner and the clichéd “Saraswati puja is Bengali Valentine's day” phrase is doing the rounds. I’m not religious enough to take offense at the mention of love on a holy occasion but the comparison is probably not valid in today’s context.

May be one or two generations back when male-female interactions were largely prohibited puja times had acted as an excuse for free mingling. But nowadays children are raised in a different manner. They study in coeducational institutions, they play in mixed groups and no one raises an eyebrow if a girl and a boy are found interacting.

Saraswati puja thus is no longer the much needed bridge between girls and boys. It definitely is an excuse for the teenagers to dress up like grown ups and feel good about it. It definitely is an excuse to have the delicious prasad and lunch. But it no longer qualifies as an excuse for random flirting.

However I feel that the best part about Saraswati puja is the irrevocable license to not study. [For those of you are unaware of the tradition: Saraswati puja is the worship of the goddess of knowledge and ironically people are not allowed to study on this day.]

Every one who has ever been a student has immensely enjoyed this study curfew.

Sometimes the work shirker inside my bengali self wishes that the job sectors had similar no work policies…sigh...

Cats vs dogs

The dog lovers’ community largely outnumbers the cat lovers’ community. I can safely say that I belong to none. I have never longed for a pet nor do I belong to the throw-stones-at-animals club. When it comes to animals I choose to take Buddha’s middle path ie be kind to them but no need to keep them at home and clean up their poop.

Coming back to today’s contest…a lot has been said about the selfishness of cats and the unconditional love of dogs. Some superficial people also argue in the lines of “Cats are cuter”/”Dogs are cuter” when you ask them which is better but we shall not veer into those lines today.

Going by the opinion of the majority we can assume that dogs are indeed more friendly and loyal. But is there no one else apart from me who admires the attitude of the cats? Right from the graceful “devil-may-care” walk, the indifferent scowl and the “I’m obliging you” glance, every thing about the feline attitude impresses me. A cat, I feel, effuses elegance and independence.

In contrast think about a dog’s tail wagging, tongue hanging and propensity to begging. The canine nature is very servile and dogs are always more than willing to please us human beings. Dogs are definitely more social. They flatter us and we tend to love them more.

But may be subconsciously we all respect the nose-in-air attitude of the cats. It's very easy to find a dog who loves his master but it's very hard to find a cat who would accept you as the master. And that is why we have numerous profanities involving dogs but almost none regarding cats.

Hugs and kisses

Let the title not confuse you…expect no mush from this article. In fact today we are going to voice our aversion for hugs and kisses.

Nowadays some people find it very normal to greet you with a hug and the oh-so-fancy air kiss. Well…some of us find it very annoying.

This is not an issue of cultural or societal changes. This is an issue of lack of judgement.

Admitted that some people find it very normal and they only try to express their friendly wishes. But the person on the recipient end might not appreciate it. We should take a little while to ponder whether a hug is welcome or not.

For instance, some of us think hugs are only acceptable from people from whom we expect carnal or filial love. We would much rather have other people greeting us on a verbal level. 

So that is all for today…we are just people who do not like their personal space to be intruded into. We are not alleging any thing, we are not doubting your well meant intentions…we just expect you to not assume that every body thinks alike. If a person never initiates a hug it is better to not greet them with one.

Adarshya Bharatiya Nari and the myth of the robust Indian marriage

Are you a female? Has anyone ever insulted you by calling you an Adarshya Bharatiya Nari (The Ideal Indian Woman)? Yes…you read that right. It is an insult and not a compliment. It is another way of calling you a wimp who cannot stand up to her own rights because that is the kind of value system India fosters for women.

A few years back funny man Mir was cracking marital jokes and as usual he had his audience in stitches. My mother was visibly perturbed. She did not like the fact that domineering wives and hen pecked husbands had become the content of Mir’s jokes. “There should be some jokes about atrocious husbands and docile wives too”, she remarked. I told that her that such plots would be the content of news channels and not comedy shows because jokes cannot be about real problems.

They say that Indian marriages are rock solid and the ideal Indian women are the stabilizing factor behind marriages and the gullible Indian ladies happily accept the role of playing the second fiddle in her husband’s life.

In the west men and women get equal privileges in a marriage. I admit that they have their own problems but at least they do not make a pathetic charade out of their marriages.

Several Indian marriages are unhappy but people just continue with it. Indian girls are brought up that way; subconsciously society ingrains into a girl’s psyche that a good wife’s role is solely to please her husband and sacrifice her own wishes.

Even today an unmarried girl is looked upon with pity. “She found no takers?? That’s rough.” No matter how much accomplished she is, the possibility of the girl herself not wanting to be chained down does not feature in the list.

In India a girl is always a commodity. Ever been to a Hindu marriage? The girl’s father transfers the ownership to the groom. Some pretty insulting verses are chanted in Sanskrit by the two men during the process in the name of tradition. [The father has to beg his would be son-in-law to take the girl…all said in Sanskrit to conceal the indignity of the act]  The girl’s consent is not asked for even once. Yet we continue with the custom.

Indian marriages do not have much hope for the girl from the onset. Every one knows it. A very obvious proof is that the girl always cries…not the tears of joy…real tears of sorrow while leaving her home. Again that’s not the way it’s supposed to happen…in the west we see the bride insanely happy. For them marriage means happiness and not compromise.

We can’t really blame the complacence of the Indian men. With rampant cases of rapes, wife beatings and women’s humiliations around most Indian husbands feel that they are giving a royal treatment to their wives. The question of guaranteeing equal rights does not even occur to them.

And yet we stupidly hope to eradicate female foeticide. It’s natural for every parent to hope for a son…their child is precious to them…in a country like India they would want it to have the edge of being a male.

So ladies…do continue to be apologetic about your basic rights, do continue to succumb under the societal pressures, and do continue to curb your own wishes…after all the legacy of continuing the myth of the robust Indian marriage lies safe in your hands.