Intoxication

Fill my days...fill my nights...

Fill my senses...fill my life…

Waves of intoxication overwhelm me.

A surreal rush of bliss sets me free.

In the grip of rapture I squirm and reel,

Tell me what is it that I now feel?

Feel my days...feel my nights...

Feel my senses...feel my life…

Antiques are priceless!!!

Indians have always been passionate about cricket and films. Any cricketer or actor of iconic status has to go through the following unjustified upheavals in their career.

Phase 1: Swimming against the tide

During the initial days when the legend is just a common person trying their best to make a mark society would try its best to put in all sorts of obstacles in their path. Every day society breaks their heart trying to prove to how incompetent they are and how impossible their dream is.

This is the phase when the person is most vulnerable and needs maximum support...this is the phase when they receive maximum criticism.

Phase 2: Race winning phase

The legend has started to win. Society begins to acknowledge the achievements. Suddenly every one takes a vocal U-turn and showers praises on the new star.

Now that the person has risen to stardom society wants behave like a soothsayer who always knew that this person is special.

Phase 3: Swan song phase

The legend is getting rusty...slowly but surely. Now is the time when society would show fanaticism for the legend. Now is the time when they would worship the veteran and beg them not to leave the arena. Now is the time when they would use his example to crush the confidence of the youngsters who are struggling in phase 1.

It’s futile because the legend has already earned his status and is above the immature pettiness shown by society.

In Bollywood when the Khan trio made their entry despite several hits society branded them “lollypop heroes” and was hung up on a visibly aging and tired Bachchan. Now that the Khans are aging they have risen above criticism, any movie they act in can garner an unrealistic amount of expectation and is guaranteed to be a big hit long before its release.

Similar criticize-accept-idolize cycle has been applied to cricketers like Sourav Ganguly, Rahul Dravid and Sachin Tendulkar.

This pattern is observed not only in larger-than-life scenarios...there is very basic emotion that triggers such reaction. Love.

In love too people often show tendencies of going through the denial-acceptance-clinging cycle.

Why do we Indians suffer from this masochistic tendency of valuing something only after it’s gone??? Why not appreciate a flower in its full bloom instead of shedding tears before its picture once it has withered away?

May be it’s true...that tragedy appeals more to us than comedy...

The line between I can and I wish...

“I can” --- The statement effuses pride and confidence.

There are a lot of things that we can do with perfection and we can claim with a certain level of arrogance that “Yes I can do it...several times better than you.” Some people spell these words out and get labelled as egoistic and boastful...some others are clever enough to keep such inflated ego-stroking to a minimum.

A successful man is he who has chosen his career path in lines of the things he can do effortlessly and perfectly.

“I wish” --- The statement effuses insecurities and self-doubts.

There are a lot of things that we want to excel at but either we lack the courage to complete those tasks or the fear of failure acts as an insurmountable barrier.

A happy man is he who has chosen his personal life in lines of the things he wishes to do.

There’re a thousand things that we can do baby and a thousand more things that we wish to do...

Let’s get together to do the things we can and may be the things we wish will come true too...

Violent threats of Bengali mothers

If you are a Bengali or at least if your mom is Bengali you would know what I am talking about. Disciplining the kids is a routine that every mother has to perform all across the world and despite their wish to refrain from reprimanding the child they need to do it once in a while. But Bengali mothers take this disciplining-the-kid business to a whole new level.

Some common threats (all collected from real experiences)

1. Aj tor pa/haat bhenge debo

 Translates to “Today I will break your legs/hands.”

2. Mere rokto ber kore debo

 Translates to “I’ll punch you till you bleed.”

3. Ei lathi-ta tor pithe bhangbo

 Translates to “I’ll break this rod on your back.”

4. Tule achhar marbo

 Translates to “I’ll pick you up and smash you down to the ground.”

5. Chabke chhal chhariye debo

 Translates to “I’ll whip you and skin you.”

6. Matha phatiye debo

 Translates to “I’ll break your head”

7. Kaan tene chhire debo

 Translates to “I’ll box your ears and rip them off.”

All the threats are replete with promises of gory violence. It’s not that the kids are born with tendencies of destruction in this part of the world…nor are the mothers particularly cruel is this part of the world…but the mothers just love to use sanguine threats to scare the errant child.

I often interrupted my mommy while she was fervently hurling threats at me with requests for clarification. She often used the fourth threat on the list and I responded with “Smash me down? From what height?” or “But you never really pick me up…I think I’d like that.” Her reactions ranged from instant nullification of anger to instant conversion of anger to blind rage.

Mothers never can implement such threats on their kids…they know it, the indulgent fathers know it, even the kids know it. Then why do they dish out threats they don’t intend to carry out?

Actually in a subtle and sure way a lesson has been handed down for generations…limit the animal in you to the realm of anticipation and imagination and express only the delicate nurturer in you to the real world.  

The false need

Some people are obsessed with money, some attach optimum importance to money but most people in this world are in dire need of money. It’s a harsh truth…we live in an unequal world where for most people life is a struggle for existence and they are denied the right to appreciate the finer aspects of life.

In an ideal society there would have been no need for money at all.

The chef would cook food, the software engineer would write codes and the actor would act in movies only because the work pleases them. And when we do something from our hearts we want the rest of the world to experience and enjoy our services. In such a social structure every one would do the prevalent jobs but jobs would no longer be jobs…they would be hobbies. No one would work for money…they would work for satisfaction. Every one can contribute to the general well being of the society by doing what they want to do and not what they are forced to do. In such a structure money would be totally useless and can be eliminated from life.

Money is the first evil that we know in our lives. Children have a very pure way of thinking and they can treat money the way it is supposed to be treated…rectangular pieces of paper. But gradually the rich kid gets a false sense of power and the slum kid gets a socially injected sense of inferiority complex and their pristine minds are damaged for the rest of their lives.

In mythology we read about demons and how they perform penance to attain the coveted boon of immortality and then how the gods exploit the loopholes in the granted boon to eventually exterminate the demon. It’s a pity that even though money has been one immortal demon destroying us for centuries we still fail to eradicate it from our society. May be some day in future in place of Durga killing Mahishasur we will get to see society exterminating money…that would be a good cause for celebration…that would take us one step closer to an egalitarian society. But alas…this is a hope which will probably never come true…

Problems and solutions

There are two types of problems in this world:
1. Apparent
2. Latent

Apparent problems

These problems need to be resolved or you die.

Eg. Hunger, breathing: If you stop these activities you would die. So even if the food does not suit your gustatory sensations you will have to eat. Even if the pollution laden air harms your lungs you need to breathe. So it’s not always a matter of choice. Solving an apparent problem is thus a compulsion not an option.

Latent problems

These problems if left unresolved would not kill you.

Eg. Love life: Human beings have the inherent need to love and be loved. But a person would not die if their love life is non-existent. And since it’s not a life threatening situation they might choose to remain single and thus wrongly earning the distinction of being a commitment-phobic person. But since it’s not a matter of compulsion people should not run into the arms of people based on availability. Rather they should wait till the right one comes along.

A problem remains difficult only until you stumble upon the solution...

A person remains commitment phobic only until he/she comes across the right one...

Introducing some class to cuss...

The world is a bad place and we all know it. There would be situations where you would want to curse and yet in elite circles that might not be a prudent thing to do.

 Bengalees realized this problem a long time back...and used their love for subtlety to incorporate curses into the languages.

Let me get to the point with one particular incident.

Place: Not West Bengal.

My friend: Not conversant in Bengali.

Incident: Teacher gives us a cumbersome assignment.

My reaction: “Ye to bamboo ho gaya!”

I found my friend looking at me with a confused expression. I understood that “bamboo” does not have a similar connotation in Hindi as it does in Bengali. I explained to her that it meant we are in a soup.

She asked: But why is it a bamboo?

And I realized the sinister meaning cleverly hidden behind the nondescript bamboo.

It signifies a profanity. “A bamboo up your ass”...shortened to the unassuming bamboo.

Some more everyday phrases for you:


 Pechhone laga: This means teasing...all types...from harmless joking to obnoxious  potshots.

Literal meaning is again a very impolite “bugging your ass”

Merechhe re:  The polished and apparent meaning is “We’re in trouble”

Literal meaning is “We’re screwed”...it’s actually short form of “G*** merechhe”

Fatiye diyechho: Meaning awesome...explosive. But what explodes in the literal meaning? Of course...the ass.

Chutiye adda deoa: Apparent meaning is unbridled fun. And I don’t think I need to explain the literal meaning. :P

All the phrases given here are ubiquitously used by men, women and children from all strata of the Bengali society and believe me there is no obscenity associated with these phrases.

But of course “gali” is a part of Bengali...we reserve the right to curse as and when we please...but we also do it as sweetly as possible. Winks! 

Once in a lifetime...

“This job is once in a lifetime career opportunity”, “That vacation was once in a lifetime experience”, ”We fall in love once in a lifetime ”...if you start to count you’ll see that you’ve used “once in a lifetime” definitely more than once in your life... [and the good news is that your life is not over yet.]

The nectar of such an experience lies not in its uniqueness. You stumble upon such moments several times...[or may be the moments stumble upon you!]

Its beauty is manifested in how it blinds all your past experiences into oblivion and lifts your spirits to a seemingly unattainable high. The bliss that you feel in every “once in a lifetime” experience successfully spins a web of illusion that convinces you about its uniqueness.

Let’s hope for a life that would give us more and more chances to overuse this phrase.

After all what is life but a heady concoction of dreams???

God of the moment

Important disclaimer: The intent of this post is not to disrespect any faith and I completely absolve myself of any responsibility to soothe the frayed of nerves of the people who might feel agitated by it.

Now that I have ensured that no frustrated fanatic can use this post as an excuse to whet their appetite for blood let me proceed with what I wanted to say.

What is the definition of God?

God is someone whom you look up to for protection in a situation which you cannot salvage on your own.

[Although I feel that god can also be defined as the most widely used excuse to bring about catastrophic destruction.]

Anyway...

In life we often come across such crises and who do we ask for help?

I need to eat...but I’m 2 months old.

I need a few more runs to break a record...but my knee is hurt and I can’t run.

I’m in a building that’s on fire...but the exits are blocked.

... ... ...

Yes...we go through such situations every day and we succeed to survive with help from the god of the moment. Sometimes we thank them...sometimes we don’t even acknowledge their importance. Sometimes we are mesmerized by the god of the moment...sometimes we blame them out of confusion.

We often believe that God is omnipotent not to elevate Him to the glorified status but because that way we only need to show gratitude to God and we are done. But gods of the moments...they are often as vulnerable as us. And just showing gratitude would not be enough. We also need to ensure that if and when that person is stuck somewhere we would try our best to be the god of his/her moment. On the contrary we do not have a moral obligation to be there for a God that is omnipotent.

It would indeed be a better world if we could confer gods of the moments an equal status and try to worship Them in the correct way...that is by helping Them in Their hour of need or by emulating Them when others are in need.

Cheapness

We will talk about a particularly cheap person today...literally cheap...not figuratively.

This miser keeps a timepiece handy while making calls. The calls will always end at x minutes 59 seconds. Did you say long distance calls? No...this rule applies for all calls. The justification given is he is utilizing every bit of money that he has paid for the service. When the pay per second pulse had been introduced this person was largely benefitted and could make calls without the distraction of frequent glances at the watch. But then unfortunately the rate went up to 1.2p/sec from 1p/sec and after an elaborate comparison between the running promotional offers the person had to go back to his paranoid policy.

This miser also tries to fall ill when his medicines approach their expiry date. Again the logic is he needs to put the products purchased into proper use.

The perplexing part is that it is hard to justify his frugal behaviour.

This person does not have any monetary woes and has no overt need to save every penny that he can.

There are some people who save every to support some social cause. This person does not have any such inclination either.

Then there is one type of misers who would live like a king on other people’s money but would never spend a dime on others. But this person does not like to sponge off other people. Then what is it?

Cheapness you see...is a hobby for some people.

Some live to earn money, some live to spend money...these people live to optimize spent money.

Who exactly is the “you” in “I love you”?

Your head is swimming...your thinking has become clouded...a rosy haze has descended around you and an overwhelming spell of dizzy happiness has enveloped you...you have fallen in love.

But when people claim “I’m in love with you” have you ever wondered who exactly is the “you” in “I love you”?

This “you” is actually a projected image of the actual person and this “you” does not have a physical existence. 

We never fall in love with real people...we always fall in love with some figment of our absurd imagination....some morphed extension of the real person.

Yet people firmly believe that fantasizing about someone else is as bad as cheating. Well the truth is people in love are always fantasizing...keeping the facade of the real person in front...mentally replacing him/her with the image and feeling high thinking “I’m in love with this amazing person!”
Well the amazing person resides in your mind and is not the person in front of you.

But then sooner or later most people are whisked out of fantasies.
Some zap out of love...some feel heart broken...some start to think boredom is inevitable...

What I am trying to say is that the basic premise of falling in love is flawed. Even though love can be real and is essentially an unsullied expression of a cornucopia of higher emotions...the person you love is always a work of fiction.

But yes...love is eternal...the love that you had felt for that fictitious person...the love that had you reeling in its wake...that was real...it’s a pity that the person it was meant for cannot exist.

Perfection is after all an imaginary concept which we can strive for but never attain...but it’s fascinating to know that we...we human beings with all our imperfections are still capable of imagining perfection...

PS: Let me provide a bonus acid test for ruling out confusion in love.
If I have never hurt you...you’ve loved me never...

If you’ve never hurt me...I’ve loved you never...

Real flowers vs fake flowers

Which one do you prefer?

Every one would say real flower.

[If you want to vouch for fake flowers you would have to come forward and rationally justify yourself...you are not allowed to pass a strong statement just for the sake of the shock value.]

      But why do we choose real flowers?

Is it because fake flowers are tacky? Not any more...nowadays you get sublimely beautiful fake bouquets.

Is it because they don’t offer the soft touch? Not nowadays...the velvety touch of fake flowers can leave us trembling.

Is it because fake flowers don’t emit fragrances? But tantalizingly perfumed artificial flowers are available these days.

In fact fake flowers come in better customized colours, feel softer to touch and emit fresher fragrances.

Then why is it that we long for real flowers? Real flowers fade away, are vulnerable to external forces and wither away within a finite period of time.

So it is the ephemeral nature of the real flowers that catches our fancy.

Why do we willingly choose transience over permanence? 

May be because in life the real surges of overwhelming emotions are temporary and feelings that we claim to be permanent are in all probability fake...

The big fuss about numbers

Some people attach way too much importance to telephone numbers...in a disturbingly emotional and clingy way.

You will often come across people who will feel offended and hurt if you cannot recite off their phone numbers. These people probably take the phrase “memorizing by heart” literally.

You remember the person if you find the person fascinating. You remember the phone number if you find the phone number fascinating.

For other numbers there is the phone book where numbers can be saved.

The following are the attributes of a memorable phone number.

1. The number is an emergency helpline number.

Eg. Police station

2. The number is a finite repetition of a single digit.

Eg. 88888888

3. The number has a catchy or at least intriguing rhyme scheme.

Eg. 949494 or at least 357595

4. The number is a popular series.

Eg. 12358

5. The number triggers off some personal memory.

Eg. You figure out your own example. Why would I share any of mine?

6. The number has some dirty connotation.

Eg. Again I trust you to figure out your own example. 

Now if your phone number does not fall into the above categories do not expect your friends, family members, acquaintances or anyone to remember your number. It does not mean you do not create an impact on the person...it just means your telephone number does not.

PS: Oh...I forgot...there is someone who would remember your number no matter how many times you change it and no matter how random a concoction of digits your number be...this person is called a stalker. J

Hostilities

“Fight like a man”, “Don’t attack from behind”, “Do not harm an unarmed person”, “Never hit a woman”...and the list goes on...the ground rules of warfare.  The kshatriya handbook of combat sounds similar too. All across the world the rules convey a single thought...”fight with your equal”

The very point of a fight is to prove your superiority over someone and yet before a fight you and your adversary need to make sure that you two are equals!!

Another idiosyncratic rule is the undue importance attached to brawn over brain. The use of “chhal” or scheming and plotting is strictly prohibited during a war. An honoured fighter would never stoop to adopt such measures and would proceed to defeat his enemy with sheer strength, skill and agility. But doesn’t that degenerate the warriors into two brainless stubs?  

The aptitude challenged person would still prove his virility through brute force while the less brawn endowed person would rather employ lethal tactics and exploit loopholes in such confrontations.

In a war you fight to win...either as a strategist or as a mass murderer...it’s your call. J

The secret to happiness is selfishness

Now before you shake your head in dissent answer the following questions.

1.       Are you a happy person?

2.       Are you happy right now?

3.       Have you been happy at any point of time?

If your answer is no to all the questions you need immediate psychiatric help...glad that you are reading my blog even in such delicate mental health...but you should first book yourself an appointment with a therapist.

If your answer is yes to at least one of the questions...at the point of time when you were happy there have been several people at different parts of the earth who were suffering from the worst forms of mental/physical pain...but that did not bother you because you  are by definition a selfish person. Accept it...we all are selfish to some extent. If we cannot dissociate ourselves from the sufferings of other people we would feel overwhelmed with grief...all the time.

But how selfish are we? We will get to that but let us take a look at a law first:

The Law: The product of the number of people we care for and the intensity of our caring is a constant.

Some care for the entire world...they see people suffer...it bothers them...they renounce domestic life and devote their time for the betterment of society. But...they do not feel all consuming love/affection for any one in the world.

Application of law: Number is very high...intensity is very less.

Some care for a huge group of people but of course superficially.

Application of law: Number is high...intensity is less.

Some care for a select set of people...with pure devotion.

Application of law: Number is very less...intensity is very high.

Some care for only 1 person...self-love. Let every one around suffer to make this person happy...yet he/she would not be bothered as long his/her happiness is not compromised.

Application of law: Number being 1 intensity is decadently high.

PS: Apologies for the sermonic undertones...but let’s not call people selfish any more.  

The narcissist’s dilemma

First take the test and find out whether or not you are a narcissist.

Test: You are in front of a glass pane that is reflecting some light forming your image and transmitting some light letting you see the person standing on the other side. The person on the other side is exquisitely handsome/pretty.

Now who would you rather check out? The other person or your own image?

Yes…you are a narcissist if you have opted to ogle at yourself.

Now about the dilemma…

The narcissist faces the ultimate dilemma when he or she is told about their resemblance with another person. The narcissist will take a good look at this person.

And then look at the different pictures of him/her again and again trying to decide who looks better.

Now if this person looks better than the narcissist he/she would be upset because it proves that a better looking version of himself/herself exists in this world.

And if the person looks worse than the narcissist he/she would be upset because it triggers the disturbing thought that another person has found this ugly person similar looking.

And thus after suffering from prolonged mental anguish the narcissist finally looks into the mirror…one place that never fails to provide solace…takes a deep reassuring sigh…tosses out the pictures of the lookalike and declares with conviction, “I’m always the best.”

There’s something Fishy about a Bong who doesn’t love Fish…

Bongs can be segregated into 3 categories with respect to their relationship to fish.

1. Secure marital relationship…love for each other happily announced to the world:

These Bongs eat fish every day and flaunt the fish recipes to the rest of the world.

If someone ever puts a question mark over the delectability of fish he/she would be invited over and treated to several dishes prepared to perfection until the person succumbs to the subtle appeal of fish.

Relationship quote: “I love you dear…you love me too…and if anyone ever dares to criticize you I’ll punch the person to death.”

2. Secret affair…all consuming love but scared of admitting in front of the world:

These Bongs suffer from some sort of identity crisis and try to conceal the innate Bongness by flaunting their aversion to fish. But when no one is watching they would sauté fish to perfection, subject himself/herself to sheer gluttony and take a satiated sigh of relief.

Relationship quote: “I love you dear but the world makes cruel jokes about our relationship…so let’s just pretend that we are not into each other.”

3. Sedate taken for granted relationship…deeply in love without even knowing

These Bongs are used to having fish for lunch and dinner every day. Ask them whether they love it and you would get a prompt “not really” as reply. It’s when they move out of home that they realize that they had always loved fish. [because unlike chicken cooking fish mandates a considerable amount of skill and this skill is a closely guarded secret kept by Bong mothers] Some love bhetki and pompfret…some love prawns [yeah prawns, shrimps, lobsters…all are fishes to Bongs J]…some love pabda and parshe…but they do love some fish! They just needed to be apart for some time to realize their love for fish.

Relationship quote: “I don’t love you…you and I are just friends…like life and air…like flower and fragrance…like music and rhythm…”

PS: Since we have also discussed relationships in the sub plot one tip to the non Bongs dating Bongs…instead of saying the mispronounced “Ami tomake…” line say it in your own language  [though it sounds incredibly sweet when you say "tumake" instead of "tomake"] …the recipient would love the exotic appeal. Winks!

Whims of a spineless country...

I’m tired of listening to the incredible aspects of my country...I’m tired of defending the traditional customs and rituals that actually make no sense...I’m tired of convincing myself that I’m living in the best possible society of all eras...

Eg. Touching feet and folding hands in Namaste

To pay my respect to someone why do I need to belittle myself??? As far as I know there is no law of conservation of greatness mandating it for one to be disgraced in order to confer higher honours on another person.

Folding hands and touching feet are both signs of begging for mercy. Yet our culture demands that we greet every one with a Namaste and express our reverence by touching feet of the elderly.

What am I apologizing for? For my existence???

What am I seeking forgiveness for? For being myself???

This is a direct reflection of the meek and unsure mindset of this land. Always suffering from low esteem this society resorts to flattery and self-humiliation to express respect.

In our hypocritical society you can get away with any crime as long as you have obtained the approvals from society.

Murder is a crime but you can kill people brutally if society choose to declare a war. Sleeping with a total stranger in an arranged marriage makes perfect sense in this society but it vehemently condemns consensual premarital sex on grounds of vulgarity.

Think of any random crime that you want to commit...convince this stupid, gullible and judgemental society about its necessity and I'm sure you'd be lauded for committing the crime.

Again a reflection of how much interfering our society can get. It is confused to the core and cannot tell right from wrong but it has to impose its confused opinions on the lives of people. Freedom is a word that this society has never understood and if things continue to be like this we too would never get a chance to know the meaning of the word.

It's sickening to see how this society passes off its morbid whims in the name of Puritanism.

It’s even more sickening to see how proud it is about its self certified enriched culture and how happily it chooses to deride people who break the convention.

Psychology of a flirt

1. The casual flirt:

Motive- To express genuine appreciation

This person is lavish with compliments and if he/she is fond of a particular person he/she will not shy away from expressing it. The casual flirt will never cross a certain limit and is sensitive enough to not hurt someone.

2. The egoistic flirt:

Motive-Morale boosting

This person will flirt around with as many girls/boys as possible in a bid to win over their hearts. The egoistic flirt would be shattered if they ever come to know that one of their conquests commands a larger fan base than themselves.

3. The opportunist flirt:

Motive: To gain a favour

This person will flirt with someone already smitten by his/her charms in order to get something done by the victim.  A coquettish  caress, a promise laden look, a vulnerable smile...and many other tricks are put into play by the opportunist and the hypnotized victim would consider it a privilege to carry out his majesty’s/her majesty’s orders.

4. The vindictive flirt:

Motive: To avenge some past hurt

This person is a spurned lover. Now they are out on the prowl waiting to pounce upon some unsuspecting innocent prey. The vindictive flirt takes a sadistic pleasure from breaking hearts...it gives them a high to know that they are also capable of inflicting such unbearable pain as they had been once subjected to.

5. The wannabe flirt:

Motive: To be the talking point

This person is boring and does not get attention from any one. The wannabe flirt sees people talking about the flirts all the time and they try their best to become one. Unfortunately there are no takers and they remain a social embarrassment.

6. The dreamer flirt:

Motive: To get inspiration

This person is addicted to the heady feeling that comes with love and cannot imagine life without a muse. The dreamer flirt is perpetually in love...albeit with different people at different points of time.

PS: So have you identified your type? No? You just reminded me of another important type.

7. The perpetual good boy/girl: 

Motive: To remain in good books of the elderly

This person spends a life time complying with the whims of the previous generation. The perpetual good boy/girl is also a perpetually sad person. The world can get a glimpse of this person's true flirty self when they are away from their social circle.

Stupid? Intelligent? Can’t decide?

Do you consider yourself to be intelligent? Doesn’t really matter...your opinion is irrelevant.

Do (most) people around you consider you intelligent? Now that is what is important.

You are intelligent if you have been successful in subtly convincing people around to “voluntarily” consider you smart.

Intellect cannot be quantified. There is not yet a device to measure the quality and quantity of the grey matter that we house in our skulls.

There are zones of intellect. Any one residing out of your zone of intellect is actually stupid to you and vice versa.  

Ideally people should limit 70% of their conversation with people who fall within the same band of intellect. 15% of conversation should be with people falling in a band that they consider to be slightly higher placed than their own band in order to take inspiration. The rest 10% should be with people falling in the band slightly lower placed to generate some feel-good factor.

So did you or did you not notice that five percent of conversation time has gone missing? During that time people should talk to the dimwits ...it would help them to appreciate the value of silence.  J

Intellect like beauty is to be judged by the beholder...no no...listener.

PS: While we are on this...when women say that they like greying men...they are talking about the grey cells inside the skull and not about the ones on their scalp!!!

Intuition

What is intuition???

A strong feeling that supersedes all logical reasoning and turns out to be right defying all explanation. Right???

No! Wrong!

Our worlds are built around logic…pure and austere…pristine and unsullied.

When we make a decision really fast, each step in the process of thinking overlaps and creates the illusion of intuition. Just like magic…it is appealing as long as you do not know the steps.

Similarly intuition is merely super fast thinking.

It is not a message from a higher power, it is not a message from your heart and it is most definitely not a signal to indicate that you have psychic powers!

I am sure that love too follows an algorithm and it is not impossible to figure it out. But just like magic…knowing the detailed steps would kill the aura and heady feeling associated with it.

So…what’s the verdict?

Let’s continue to pretend that intuition does exist.

PS: Let me add a line that’d make men disagree to this post.

The general consensus is that women are more intuitive than men. Winks!

Honorary Owlhood

Once upon a time…[even before the term “Once upon a time” came into existence] human beings used to live in the wilderness. Bereft of the common comforts of life they adapted themselves to suit the fancies of nature. Since Edison was not yet born they had no arrangement for artificial lights at night. So they adjusted their timings according to the whims of the Sun…waking up at sunrise, working till sunset and sleeping “when the night has come and the land is dark and the moon is the only light.”  

Anyway…eons later mankind evolved beyond expectations and the nights are no longer dark. Unfortunately a major chunk of humanity did not evolve as fast as the other chunks. So these people still retain the primitive qualities and due to lack of progress continue to believe that human beings need to wake up in the morning and that the accepted time for sleep is when the night has come although the land might not be dark and the moon is not the only light!

And the hapless evolved set continues to suffer due to the dogmatism of these regressive people. The evolved people need to drag themselves out of bed early in the morning sacrificing the contentment of a well timed sound sleep in order to keep up with the primitive whims of the people who refuse to evolve. And then when it’s night and they are brimming with energy they need to crawl to bed and endure the malaise of a premature sleep.

May be I will start a movement against this…let me know if you have evolved and can provide me support in this…Winks!

Evolution of ball games

All ball games subtly promote one fundamental instinct of human nature: “Let's shirk responsibility”

The ball represents responsibility, the player(s) represents(represent) us and the game represents life.

Let me illustrate with a few examples.

Tennis- The two players fight hard to ensure that the responsibility lies with the opponent. In the end the person who slams the responsibility back greater number of times wins the game.

Football- Apparently in this game the players are trying to snatch the responsibility from the opposition with utmost eagerness. But look carefully. The motto is to take the responsibility for a while and ultimately place it securely in the opposition’s net.

Cricket- In this game team 1 tries to throw [ok cricket enthusiasts...I admit it's not "throwing" technically] the responsibility at team 2, team 2 in turn tries to send it away as far as possible and then other members of team 1 try their best to retrieve the flying responsibility and fling it back at team 2. This goes on for 2 sessions and at the end the team that manages to get rid of responsibility effectively wins.

People often say “Life is a game…play it” [Well actually a wise man had said it years ago. And bird-brained people who cannot come up with their own lines say it nowadays with a nose-in-air attitude that would not suit even the lord of the lords.]

Anyway…the point is...in life if you shirk responsibility people condemn you and hurl the vilest insults at you…and yet encourage the same spirit during games…and also continue to endorse the “life is a game” philosophy.

Always in two minds…are we?

Sweet nothings

Setting 1:

The love of your life says “I love you” in a public place amidst many more adorable beauties/hunks.

Hey...before you melt off into your dreams let me reinstate that “you” is a very flexible word...it denotes both singular and plural number...there is a very high probability that "you" denotes plural number here.

Setting 2:

The love of your life says “I love all of you”.

Well before you start venting fury through the petunia in your face or try to shrug off the embarrassment in a confused half smile or let the stinging pain flow out through your pristine eyes...hold on...

All of you--- your anger, your pain, your pure heart, your rough words, your sweet banters, your lashing self, your soothing self ...yes every bit of you...all of you... [denotes singular number here]

Be careful. Very.