Adarshya Bharatiya Nari and the myth of the robust Indian marriage

Are you a female? Has anyone ever insulted you by calling you an Adarshya Bharatiya Nari (The Ideal Indian Woman)? Yes…you read that right. It is an insult and not a compliment. It is another way of calling you a wimp who cannot stand up to her own rights because that is the kind of value system India fosters for women.

A few years back funny man Mir was cracking marital jokes and as usual he had his audience in stitches. My mother was visibly perturbed. She did not like the fact that domineering wives and hen pecked husbands had become the content of Mir’s jokes. “There should be some jokes about atrocious husbands and docile wives too”, she remarked. I told that her that such plots would be the content of news channels and not comedy shows because jokes cannot be about real problems.

They say that Indian marriages are rock solid and the ideal Indian women are the stabilizing factor behind marriages and the gullible Indian ladies happily accept the role of playing the second fiddle in her husband’s life.

In the west men and women get equal privileges in a marriage. I admit that they have their own problems but at least they do not make a pathetic charade out of their marriages.

Several Indian marriages are unhappy but people just continue with it. Indian girls are brought up that way; subconsciously society ingrains into a girl’s psyche that a good wife’s role is solely to please her husband and sacrifice her own wishes.

Even today an unmarried girl is looked upon with pity. “She found no takers?? That’s rough.” No matter how much accomplished she is, the possibility of the girl herself not wanting to be chained down does not feature in the list.

In India a girl is always a commodity. Ever been to a Hindu marriage? The girl’s father transfers the ownership to the groom. Some pretty insulting verses are chanted in Sanskrit by the two men during the process in the name of tradition. [The father has to beg his would be son-in-law to take the girl…all said in Sanskrit to conceal the indignity of the act]  The girl’s consent is not asked for even once. Yet we continue with the custom.

Indian marriages do not have much hope for the girl from the onset. Every one knows it. A very obvious proof is that the girl always cries…not the tears of joy…real tears of sorrow while leaving her home. Again that’s not the way it’s supposed to happen…in the west we see the bride insanely happy. For them marriage means happiness and not compromise.

We can’t really blame the complacence of the Indian men. With rampant cases of rapes, wife beatings and women’s humiliations around most Indian husbands feel that they are giving a royal treatment to their wives. The question of guaranteeing equal rights does not even occur to them.

And yet we stupidly hope to eradicate female foeticide. It’s natural for every parent to hope for a son…their child is precious to them…in a country like India they would want it to have the edge of being a male.

So ladies…do continue to be apologetic about your basic rights, do continue to succumb under the societal pressures, and do continue to curb your own wishes…after all the legacy of continuing the myth of the robust Indian marriage lies safe in your hands.