Is it the onion or am I sad?

Sometimes it is hard to figure out...

...if you are really fond of taking long walks or is that a desperate attempt of making peace with directionless mazes...

...if the gentle caress of the wind in your hair still inspires you to dream or just hushes you to an escapistic slumber...

...if the subtle kisses of the rain drops on your lashes still make you smile or do they evoke a smouldering sigh from within...

Sometimes when we are done with successfully convincing every one around with our lies we try to lie to ourselves trying to keep our precious, vulnerable worlds from falling apart...

Hoping it is the onion...

PS: Apologies...shall make up for this with a cheery post soon.

Sweet-Sour dreams…

We are going to talk to about dreams today. I have talked about dreams here earlier…but today the context is different from the earlier post.

Today we shall screen the dreams and eliminate the bad ones out of our lives.

[I am not talking about nightmares.

Nightmares are always nice. The sudden rush of adrenaline followed by the warmth of relief beats the sweetest of the dreams 10-0 any day.

And that is why whenever I wish "Sweet dreams" to anyone...I add "Sweeter reality"]

Type-1: Premature dreams:-

Let us face it…only eggs taste well when half baked.

Examples:

“I want to be a chocolate peddler when I grow up.”

“I want Shahid Afridi/Anna Kournikova.”

“I want to live in the toxic rings of Saturn.”

The common essence of these dreams is that we have these dreams in an age when it is impossible to understand the implication of these dreams…

These stay with us permanently…a dream in the tender age…something to laugh over when past that age.

Type-1 dreams should not come true…because we all know that we would be miserable if they came true.

Type-2: Over hallowed dreams:-

The other word for it --- obsessions.

Examples: You are intelligent enough to figure out the examples. (Winks!)

The common flavour of these dreams is that they reduce the enjoyment of all the other facets of life.

There is a fine line between dreams and obsessions (over-hallowed dreams).

Dreams

Q: Why do you want it?

A: I don’t know why I want it…but it would certainly make me very happy.

Obsession

Q: Why do you want it?

A: I don’t know whether it would make me happy…but I certainly want it.

Type-2 dreams should not come true…because we do not know but we would definitely be miserable if they came true.

PS: Dreams can be unrealistic…nothing against them…dream on.

But we should do away with Type-1/Type-2 dreams.

As I always say…some dreams you live…some dreams you leave...

Problemophilia

The materialist says that the world revolves around money…

The romantic says that the world revolves around love…

I say the world revolves around problems…

We yearn for problems…then when we get them we adopt myriad ways to get rid of those…and when they are gone we start to pine for them again. This is an endless cycle that we choose to call “LIFE”!

Let us take a leisurely stroll across this path…keeping all our problems aside for a while.

A person is born.

The first few decades are spent/wasted on a systematic education where increasingly harder problems are thrown at you and you are expected to grow into a fine specimen of humanity by solving those.

Then once you complete your education you think you have finally conquered the battles…and that your life is going to be free of problems henceforth...which actually translates to infinite boredom.

Soon you miss the old problems you had and the way you had solved them at the snap of fingers. (Did not seem so at the time of solving though.)

But wait…you have a career to secure…and newer and harder problems soon throng your way. Your wish is granted…you have new problems…again you spend years to consolidate your work life. It might seem an esoteric problem but sooner or later every one irons out the creases and solves this one too.

Again you are at that point of time when you have no problem…whine whine whine…crib crib crib…your life is cruising through. It is so boring.

So get married. A whole new world of problems will open up and barring a few unfortunate cases most people will eventually solve these riddles too.

Then what? Life has reached the doldrums again…no problem to solve.

Then people have an epiphany! What if you had a problem that you would really love taking care of no matter what? Yes that is when people have a baby.

A new problem that you would love unconditionally which will supply you with an unending list of newer problems…finally an answer to satisfy the problemophilia.

Sometimes the first born fails to create problems that are challenging enough. That is when people have another child. My analysis says that the second kid is mostly successful in introducing new challenges…they ensure that for the rest of their lives they would not give their parents a chance to complain about dearth of problems!

Deviation: At every transitional phase there are some people who choose not to walk the prescribed path. They have two other options to follow.

1. The world has many unsolved problems (Am not referring to the mathematics puzzles with insane amounts offered as prize money)…Group-1 people choose to dedicate their lives in solving those problems.

2. The world has many unsolved problems. Group-2 people decide that there is no harm in adding a few more and they happily become problems themselves.

Needless to say these two minority groups are way more interesting.

PS: The realist just looked me up and down, hit me on the head and said, “The world revolves around the sun. End of story.”

Transcending into the never never land...

Board-1:

You two share a friendship which has got into an absolute comfort zone.

The world sees that you two care a lot about each other and if asked would not rule out the possibility of a good relationship.

You two know each other, wish each other very well, would probably give and take lives to protect each other...the bond between you two is so strong...that...it almost feels like you two are connected by blood.

Verdict: You two would never become lovers.

You have crossed the line...into the land of ice...

Outcome: Love loses to Friendship...Stalemate.

... ... ...

Board-2:

You two have shared too many coy glances rendering a conversation awkward and impossible.

The world sees that you two do not interact but if asked would not rule out the possibility of a good friendship.

The way your heads spin when your eyes meet, the way you two break off eye contact (with utmost reluctance and yet apparent abruptness) afraid that people around might hear the furor created by your hearts beating in sync, the way you two pull off a perfect charade of nonchalance to ensure that the rest of world remains ignorant...makes it apparent that the inexplicable pull between the two of you is beyond the realm of this vile and prosaic world.

Verdict: You two could never become friends.

You have crossed the line...into the land of fire...

Outcome: Friendship loses to Love...Check and Checkmate.

Proverbial bloopers

1. Live like there is no tomorrow!

Why? …Why? Why? Why would I live like there is no tomorrow when I am pretty sure that there will be a tomorrow? To believe that today is the last day of life is a terrible way of thinking and it is not a good idea to fall for it. Living with zeal and living with prudence are not mutually exclusive.

Amendment: Live every day of your life.

2. When in Rome do as the Romans do

Good lord! Then how would the Romans know about us?

And could any one please tell me why are there so many proverbs revolving around Rome? Admitted that men from Rome are full of poetic grace, admitted that they have some irresistible charm in their eyes, admitted that their exotic features are sculpted to perfection…oh…never mind…just got the answer.

Amendment: When in Rome teach the Romans your way of doing things and learn from them their way.

[I actually have a better amendment but that is not presentable in this blog and I shall share it with my Friends. Romans and Countrymen will have to remain content with the bland version.]

3. No use crying over spilt milk

Really? On the contrary if you do not spend some time crying over spilling the milk and rush out to buy another bottle there is a very good chance of spilling the new bottle too! It is very much necessary to cry over spilt milk before you mop it up.

Amendment: Firstly…do not spill! Secondly, if you have…do NOT be remorseless.

4. A rolling stone gathers no moss

And why exactly is that bad??? I thought a shiny and polished stone is any day better than a warty and moss-covered rock! Some rusty brained wordsmith must have concocted this one up…

Amendment: A stone that is gathering moss should definitely start to roll.

5. The grass is greener on the other side of the court

Since when? The grass has always seemed greener on my side of the court.

Don’t agree? Ok…is there any one in the whole who you would rather be than being yourself? In case you have found yourself answering "yes" to the previous question…think of that one thing/person/quality that you cannot give up…long list eh? That person does not have all those things/people/qualities!

Amendment: The grass is fine on our side of the court…let us leave it alone and add more plants and flowers.

6. The darkest hour is nearest to dawn

When you are going through a dark hour there is no way to tell whether it is the darkest hour or if it would get even darker. So instead of counting on baseless assumptions get real.

Amendment: If the hours are getting dark invest in some chandeliers.

7. If you play with fire sooner or later you are gonna get burnt

So what am I supposed to do? Watch from a distance and wonder what it is like to play with fire? Or listen with wide eyed amazement to the stories of someone who had the guts to tryst with fire?

Amendment: Someone who has played with fire would know…that if playing with fire is fun…getting burnt is bliss…

Grave notes? Hmmm…that has never done any good to any body...ever! So let us end today’s discussion with a figment of my absurd interpretation…

8. One man’s meat is another man’s poison

When I first came across this one I had felt very good. Indeed…as one human being we should never feast on another fellow human being’s flesh. We should avoid it like poison. My sister had given me a disgusted look and uttered the word “Cannibal” when I had told her this and after a while had explained the accepted meaning to me.

Decades have passed and I still wonder why my way is not accepted.

Amendment: None to offer…I just wish more people would consider my way of looking at the proverb.

Chronic problems

We are all people affected with severe mental problems.

We like each other when the sets of our afflictions are intersecting.

We call each other names (rarely aloud) and head separate ways when the sets are disjoint.

Let us look into some today...I will follow the ladies first rule.

(Why do I support ladies first policy? Topic for some other day...till then do not offer the shallow reason of "because you are one.")

List for women:

The mirror-mirror-on-the-wall syndrome:

Put 5 pretty girls in a room...give them a thousand interesting activities to do. While they are on the apparently interesting jobs they are actually quantifying the beauty of each other...feature by feature...attribute by attribute...in so detailed an analysis that would put the analytical powers of Barney Stinson to shame.

All pretty girls suffer from this.

The Rapunzel syndrome:

A haircut can never be perfect. No matter how many compliments (and covert stares and some blatant stares) she gets... when she hits the bed at night she is bound to shed a few drops of tears in the memory of the lost length.

Most girls suffer from this.

[Rapunzel's prince climbed up her hair to reach her instead of asking her to jump to the safe refuge of his arms... which brings us to the very disturbing conclusion that either Rapunzel was fat or the prince was underweight or both. ]

The Beauty-and-the-beast-remains-beast syndrome:

“Don’t die beast...I love you” And the beast turns into a charming prince in the arms of blushing Beauty and they live happily ever after. But wait...what if the beast did not transform? Beauty did not know that he was a cursed prince when she implored him to live and professed her love for him. Of course Beauty did want the beast to live...no doubt in that part. So what would she have done if the beast continued to look like a beast? Very simple damage control strategy to be adopted. She would have added 3 more words after “I love you”....which are “as a brother”.

All girls suffer from this.

List for men:

The Superman syndrome:

Obsession with speed. Slow and steady could give a hollow win but fast and reckless would make the journey more interesting and only a win that way would be a satiating.

Men high on adrenaline suffer from this.

I’m-Atlas-when-I-play-syndrome:

Men are ready to shoulder unthinkable responsibilities when it comes to sports! Whenever they play they change to Lionel Messi or Kaka or Tendulkar or Federer or Nadal...you get it...the match winner. Funnily no man ever thinks himself to be an Italian defender while playing which is understandable because men love to go after what is yet to be conquered rather than protecting what already belongs to them!

Most men suffer from this.

The Eve-came-from-Adam’s-rib syndrome:

Men can’t stand losing to a woman. Yes if the man is insanely in love with a woman then he might but that is an “I let her win” kind of situation so it doesn’t count. What if a woman wins fair and square? It is ok only if the win comes in something that is considered a woman’s job...like...(no I’m not going to give any example...if a feminist stumbles here I would be dead.)

All men suffer from this.

The world is an asylum...life is the course of rehabilitation...we seldom give up old syndromes...but pick up new ones with overwhelming alacrity...may be falling ill is better than both prevention and cure.

PS: Ever wondered why there is there no word called masculinist?

Ponder ponder...