Elections

Why can’t I just cast my vote online?

Let's just create a website...we already are in the process of generating the Indian equivalent of social security numbers…so we can get the databases from Nandan, generate one-time-only passwords and enable the online voting process. So smooth and so elegant.

Lousy idea??? Ok…let’s try it once…and let's start from the ward where I am supposed to exercise my voting right. (Is it a right? Is it a responsibility? Is it a headache? Who can tell...)

No…instead I have to stand in the unrelenting sun (I absolutely loathe the tropical sun.) in an endless queue and wait for my turn to feel insignificant. (I do not suffer from megalomania but I would to like to take a decision that has a weightage significantly more than one billionth).

Do you know what is the worst part about the elections?

Unrest? No.

Violence? No.

Rigging? No.

Bad decisions? No.

Worse traffic? No.

It’s the ink that they dab on your finger.

Let me share a trick that I use (learnt from someone whose name is better kept confidential at the moment).

Plan: Put lots of nail polish on your fingernail of a transparent shade and you are ready to vote.

Flaw in the plan: They pour too much of that indelible ink on your finger…it drips and colours the skin under your nail. Just imagine…no… just think (we cannot imagine…for reference check this) how mortifying it is to walk around with a dirty nail for months.

Correction incorporated...

Flawless plan: Dip the whole fingertip in transparent nail paint (and let it dry) and brave the ugly ink.

A little bit of nail paint remover afterwards and you get back your clean finger.

Every one is welcome to try this out the next time you vote (which means tomorrow for some people). Men included. (Just call me when you are painting your nail…I want to take a picture.)

PS: I know I could go to jail for writing this and you…well…you could go to hell for breaking my trust and turning me in.