If You Stand out in a Crowd I Have Got Bad News for You

India is a country famous for its unity in diversity. Going beyond the immense hypocrisy hidden behind the word “unity” we have to respect the fact that India is indeed home to a colourful mix of cultures; all of them equally patriotic or equally cynical about being an Indian.

There was a time when Bengalees, Punjabis, Gujaratis and Tamils had their individual dressing styles, food styles, life styles, etc. But now thanks to globalization often it becomes hard to identify one’s ethnicity at first glance. Cross community marriages are happening in every other family and Indians are approaching towards a harmonic mean (yes, pun intended). The inter-cultural divides are gradually getting blurred.

Am I actually cribbing about this wonderful change where communities are embracing each other with a comforting sense of alacrity? No. A vehement no. But I do miss the originality of each different culture which somehow I found to be refreshing.

Also, I do wonder whether we structured this change or are we a victim of some cosmic plan that directs us all to reach the median value?

In geometry we learnt that as polygons increase their number of sides they move towards becoming a circle.

Our weather too, once offering exciting extremes of biting cold and parching heat is now progressing towards a warm tropical climate all over.

We can never find a single example of randomness in the universe…because the universal law wants our behaviour to remain within the confines of a precise mathematical formula.

Do you get the drift? Nature does not like any one to stand out. Nature does not want her children to be mottled with different shades. If you are different from others cosmic designs will try to annihilate you.

Hey non conformist, don’t blame the people and the society. The society likes you, the society respects you and even though it openly criticizes you it secretly wants more people like you. You make our lives interesting; you are the inspiration to break free from monotony. But alas the price you pay is too high…the price is sheer obliteration…and most people cannot afford that.

Birth of nature

Once upon a time long ago there was a kingdom called Utopia ruled by a wonderful king called Equality. King Equality was loved by all his subjects for his fair rules and just treatment. One day the king went for hunting into the woods along with his friends. He was trotting on his horse when he spotted a herd of deer passing by. The king aimed for the fastest deer but at that fateful moment a bright light shone into his eyes and Equality was distracted. As he looked for the source of light he saw that it was reflecting off the earrings of the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Princess Perfection had come for a picnic on the same day. As the prince and the princess locked their eyes they felt a sudden rush of uncontrollable emotions…they fell in love.

The very next day Equality married Perfection. Every one in the kingdom came to attend the grand royal wedding. People showered their blessings on the new couple and extended their wishes for a great life together. The newly married king and queen had a vision for their kingdom. They restructured the place on the principles of Equality and Perfection. The result was the most beautiful kingdom that could ever be.

The streets were wide and polished and at perfect right angles. All the buildings were shaped like regular polygons with architectural perfection. The trees were of equal height with equal number of leaves and the leaves were perfectly shaped and vibrantly coloured. All the people had enough money to live peaceful lives and the meals were equally delicious and wholesome in all the homes.

After a year a baby boy was born to the king and the queen. All the subjects came to shower their blessings on the newborn prince. He was named Happiness. Years passed by smoothly and the king and the queen ran the kingdom with unbelievable accuracy and efficiency. Happiness also grew up gradually, ran around and played about. Happiness visited every home and life flourished in the kingdom like never before.

But there were a few subjects who became a little offended with their reduced importance. They formed a group and left the kingdom. Poverty, Affluence, Hatred, Rage, Misery and Jealousy walked out and went on to build their own kingdom.

People were extremely joyous to see these snooty guys leave their much loved kingdom and thought life would be even better. The homes of these guys were left empty and some people from other kingdoms allured by the superior quality of life came house hunting. One of them was Boredom. He loved the all the aspects of the kingdom. No variety, no problem, no challenge, no change and a permanent and smooth flow of life pervading all over the kingdom. Boredom bought a mansion and settled down in the kingdom of Equality and Perfection.

Happiness could not get along with Boredom. He started losing the spring in his step, the twinkle in his eyes, the joy in his heart. He started visiting a pub in another kingdom to seek solace from the mind numbing Boredom. Then he met a girl called Problems who came up with interesting situations that Happiness loved solving. Gradually they became drawn towards each other. No one approved of their love so Happiness decided to run away with Problems and start a life far away where no one would be able to trace them. They got married in the wilderness blessed by the sun, the moon and the stars.

After a few years of passionate marriage they had a daughter called Nature. Nature grew up with a very independent attitude. She became an accommodating nurturer who had a place for all in her large heart. She was not judgemental and wanted to let every one live according their wishes.

One day her grandparents tracked her down and came to meet her. They wanted her to be the new queen and to take charge of their kingdom Utopia. Nature went to visit her ancestral kingdom with a lot of excitement and anticipation in her heart. But within a few days she felt suffocated within the confines of the rigid rules. One day she was sitting in the royal garden hiding her head in her hands and sobbing softly. Suddenly she heard the sound of galloping horses and felt a rush of strong wind into her face. She looked up and saw a rugged silhouette coming in her direction. She looked at him with wide eyed amazement and slowly asked, “Who are you?”

He said, “I am Freedom. I have come here to take you with me because your happiness lies with me. So come with me beautiful Nature and we will live in the most wonderful kingdom that ever was.”

Nature never liked to think much. She acted on her impulse and extended her hand towards Freedom. She eloped with Freedom and went away to live her own life in the kingdom of Freedom. The name of the kingdom was Earth.

Chauvinism is often promoted by the urban female

MCP --- Male Chauvinist Pig…jokingly or seriously we often label a man MCP. But have we women looked at ourselves? How we continuously encourage chauvinism and then cry out aloud for discrimination?

Let me share an instance from my college days --- We often celebrated birthdays by cutting cakes in the class. A girl once very candidly suggested that the girls should sacrifice and hand out the bigger pieces to the boys. I think the rule was that when you serve something you keep the smallest helping for yourself irrespective of gender. But this girl felt that boys by virtue of their “superior” gender should get the bigger pieces. [In case you are wondering…no, I am not fat and don’t crave cakes. It’s solely the discrimination and not the scrumptiousness of the cake that hurt me. J]

I went to study in a coeducational institution. And never ever have I come across a boy who treated girls as lesser beings. When a girl topped a class not a single boy felt bad about being overtaken by a “lesser mortal” Competition existed…a competition among equals in a healthy way. But outside the school mothers often were heard defending their boys’ bad score. “Boys do not study…they tend to be more intelligent but they neglect their studies and hence the bad grades. Girls are basically stupid…but they put in hours of studies and hence the good grades.”

Thankfully I never heard a single boy use this excuse. The urban Indian male mostly attaches similar status to each gender. [Well it started from the time of Vidyasagar and later Raja Rammohan Roy who thought it would be unfair to leave the women illiterate and even more unfair to burn them alive.]

The rule of Sati is yet to be abolished completely. Even today women openly say that the value of a woman’s life is less than that of a man. A woman is told to follow rituals to ensure her husband’s well being while her own health can go to hell. This stink of chauvinism is more prominent in the (n-1)th generation of females. India is a country heavily biased towards men. Fortunately things are changing. But in a country where once wives used to be burnt alive after the husband had passed away you would need time for things to improve. A lot of time. Several generations. You would see that each generation of women enjoy better privileges than the preceding one. And unfortunately that is the very thing which women take as a reason to bicker about.

The responsibility lies with us, the women of the current generation to take a vow that we will not compare the girls of the next generation with ourselves. We are fighting a battle…a battle to win equality and if we see the next generation girls an inch closer to that equality then we should feel happy and not threatened…happy that our lives have not been wasted…happy that our battle is nearing its end.

The masked words

It was a big day for the family. The newest member had come home from the hospital. Every one surrounding the little baby was busy showering heaps of praises on her. Some said the shape of her nails suggest remarkable wisdom. Some said the way her lips quivered signifies a future nightingale. Every thing about the baby extracted some superlative from the family members. The domestic aid Malati too came rushing by. After managing to squeeze her diminutive frame through the tightly formed circle of family members she got a glimpse of the baby’s face. The baby contorted her face into some expression which Malati imagined to be a smile. Her heart filled up with joy. She too had become a mother three years back and ever since the sight of little babies aroused in her a sensation of boundless joy. “She is so pretty...she looks so similar to my baby,” she commented.

Sudden silence descended in the room.

The entire family swung around, their eyebrows knit in annoyance. How on earth could she compare the appearance of their beloved child with that of her own child?

The mothers in the room should have known that Malati had just given the child the biggest compliment that she was capable of…she had just called the child perfect.

The father's perspective

The child (who is now a grown up working in another town) is going to be home for a few days. The tantrums of teenage and the rebellions of early twenties are a thing of the past now. Distance has surprisingly made the child value his parents more than the past. The father is excitedly shopping for the favourite food items and the mother is busy with the culinary arrangements.

Finally the moment arrives when the child lands in the airport. Both the parents are equally excited but the child runs into the arms of the mother. After being ignored for full 15 minutes the father gets a nod from the child and an almost formal “How are you dad?”

The ride to home begins. Again the father tries to join in. But he has never been a conversationalist and fails to blend in. Moreover the child does not show much interest in sharing the details with him. Pained he looks out of the window admiring the trees as he has done for the past 25 years.

When lunch is served the father again puts forth another desperate attempt. “Isn’t the meat tender? What about the cauliflowers? And the ghee? I bought them from your favourite stores.” The answer he gets is “Yes daddy…they are all so delicious...you have no idea how much I have missed mommy’s cooking.”

After lunch the child unpacks and hands out a saree to his mother. He has brought a shirt for his father too. The father very happily accepts it only to notice that it had been bought by his wife who knew that as always that he would be forgotten and tried to protect his feelings.

Agonized the father retires to his room. The child does not dislike him but neither does he hold the post of confidante in his life. What did he do wrong? He was happy when the child was born. He had suppressed his mild resentment when his wife’s attention was stolen from him. He had slogged at a job he did not like to provide for the child. Yes he did not attend to the child for 24 hours during the formative years and yes his love for the child is no match for the overwhelming love that his wife harboured for the child. But in his own way he had loved his child and the emotional distance created despite that perplexed him.

Suddenly he heard raised voices from the bedroom. The mother and the child were fighting over something. Sensing an opportunity the father rushed in. Both of them hushed up at his sight. “What are you fighting over?” “Nothing,” said the child but the tone suggested “None of your business.” “Whatever it is you have my support” the father made another try. “Yeah, I know” the child replied in a monotone.

Hanging his head the father waddled back to his room and ensconced himself in solitude. He sighed and closed his eyes. May be if he tried harder he would be able to suppress the hurt. 

The pleas

Don’t uproot me, please don’t uproot me,

Let me breathe and let me be…

Some whims the world has, some my own;

Some you like, some you do not.

If I hold on to the ones I like

Will you turn away and leave me to rot?

There are storms to bear

And deserts to see.

But please do not suffocate me in a forest

To protect me.

Don’t uproot me, please don’t uproot me,

If you want me to live then let me be…

The future of relationships

Let’s accept it. The present does not look too appealing as far as modern relationships are considered.

People are increasingly growing comfortable in their own space and the entry of any intruder into this private space is looked upon with contempt. The search for an ideal mate consequently has become very challenging. In fact many people willingly choose to remain single for life. While this is not a bad idea these people also miss out on consortium. They are ready to settle down provided they find the exact person they have in mind.

This perpetually single lifestyle often does not suit people. They miss the availability of sex, the pleasure of permanent partnership, the shared midnight sobs about life’s failures and other things that technically come under spousal comforts.

So what do you do when you do not like whatever is available? You go for something custom made.

And that’s exactly what our future generations would do.

Soon every one would have a genetically engineered spouse custom made to suit the needs of the modern man and woman. And if they get bored with the outcome they can always request for a tweak in the chromosomes to bring about the desired changes. In short a relationship with a person made to appease their own set of idiosyncrasies…the perfect relationship.

What??? Getting judgemental? That’s the way it has always been…the older generations can never appreciate the changes. If you are finding it too weird it just confirms that they would find it too alluring.