Who exactly is the “you” in “I love you”?

Your head is swimming...your thinking has become clouded...a rosy haze has descended around you and an overwhelming spell of dizzy happiness has enveloped you...you have fallen in love.

But when people claim “I’m in love with you” have you ever wondered who exactly is the “you” in “I love you”?

This “you” is actually a projected image of the actual person and this “you” does not have a physical existence. 

We never fall in love with real people...we always fall in love with some figment of our absurd imagination....some morphed extension of the real person.

Yet people firmly believe that fantasizing about someone else is as bad as cheating. Well the truth is people in love are always fantasizing...keeping the facade of the real person in front...mentally replacing him/her with the image and feeling high thinking “I’m in love with this amazing person!”
Well the amazing person resides in your mind and is not the person in front of you.

But then sooner or later most people are whisked out of fantasies.
Some zap out of love...some feel heart broken...some start to think boredom is inevitable...

What I am trying to say is that the basic premise of falling in love is flawed. Even though love can be real and is essentially an unsullied expression of a cornucopia of higher emotions...the person you love is always a work of fiction.

But yes...love is eternal...the love that you had felt for that fictitious person...the love that had you reeling in its wake...that was real...it’s a pity that the person it was meant for cannot exist.

Perfection is after all an imaginary concept which we can strive for but never attain...but it’s fascinating to know that we...we human beings with all our imperfections are still capable of imagining perfection...

PS: Let me provide a bonus acid test for ruling out confusion in love.
If I have never hurt you...you’ve loved me never...

If you’ve never hurt me...I’ve loved you never...

Real flowers vs fake flowers

Which one do you prefer?

Every one would say real flower.

[If you want to vouch for fake flowers you would have to come forward and rationally justify yourself...you are not allowed to pass a strong statement just for the sake of the shock value.]

      But why do we choose real flowers?

Is it because fake flowers are tacky? Not any more...nowadays you get sublimely beautiful fake bouquets.

Is it because they don’t offer the soft touch? Not nowadays...the velvety touch of fake flowers can leave us trembling.

Is it because fake flowers don’t emit fragrances? But tantalizingly perfumed artificial flowers are available these days.

In fact fake flowers come in better customized colours, feel softer to touch and emit fresher fragrances.

Then why is it that we long for real flowers? Real flowers fade away, are vulnerable to external forces and wither away within a finite period of time.

So it is the ephemeral nature of the real flowers that catches our fancy.

Why do we willingly choose transience over permanence? 

May be because in life the real surges of overwhelming emotions are temporary and feelings that we claim to be permanent are in all probability fake...

The big fuss about numbers

Some people attach way too much importance to telephone numbers...in a disturbingly emotional and clingy way.

You will often come across people who will feel offended and hurt if you cannot recite off their phone numbers. These people probably take the phrase “memorizing by heart” literally.

You remember the person if you find the person fascinating. You remember the phone number if you find the phone number fascinating.

For other numbers there is the phone book where numbers can be saved.

The following are the attributes of a memorable phone number.

1. The number is an emergency helpline number.

Eg. Police station

2. The number is a finite repetition of a single digit.

Eg. 88888888

3. The number has a catchy or at least intriguing rhyme scheme.

Eg. 949494 or at least 357595

4. The number is a popular series.

Eg. 12358

5. The number triggers off some personal memory.

Eg. You figure out your own example. Why would I share any of mine?

6. The number has some dirty connotation.

Eg. Again I trust you to figure out your own example. 

Now if your phone number does not fall into the above categories do not expect your friends, family members, acquaintances or anyone to remember your number. It does not mean you do not create an impact on the person...it just means your telephone number does not.

PS: Oh...I forgot...there is someone who would remember your number no matter how many times you change it and no matter how random a concoction of digits your number be...this person is called a stalker. J

Hostilities

“Fight like a man”, “Don’t attack from behind”, “Do not harm an unarmed person”, “Never hit a woman”...and the list goes on...the ground rules of warfare.  The kshatriya handbook of combat sounds similar too. All across the world the rules convey a single thought...”fight with your equal”

The very point of a fight is to prove your superiority over someone and yet before a fight you and your adversary need to make sure that you two are equals!!

Another idiosyncratic rule is the undue importance attached to brawn over brain. The use of “chhal” or scheming and plotting is strictly prohibited during a war. An honoured fighter would never stoop to adopt such measures and would proceed to defeat his enemy with sheer strength, skill and agility. But doesn’t that degenerate the warriors into two brainless stubs?  

The aptitude challenged person would still prove his virility through brute force while the less brawn endowed person would rather employ lethal tactics and exploit loopholes in such confrontations.

In a war you fight to win...either as a strategist or as a mass murderer...it’s your call. J

The secret to happiness is selfishness

Now before you shake your head in dissent answer the following questions.

1.       Are you a happy person?

2.       Are you happy right now?

3.       Have you been happy at any point of time?

If your answer is no to all the questions you need immediate psychiatric help...glad that you are reading my blog even in such delicate mental health...but you should first book yourself an appointment with a therapist.

If your answer is yes to at least one of the questions...at the point of time when you were happy there have been several people at different parts of the earth who were suffering from the worst forms of mental/physical pain...but that did not bother you because you  are by definition a selfish person. Accept it...we all are selfish to some extent. If we cannot dissociate ourselves from the sufferings of other people we would feel overwhelmed with grief...all the time.

But how selfish are we? We will get to that but let us take a look at a law first:

The Law: The product of the number of people we care for and the intensity of our caring is a constant.

Some care for the entire world...they see people suffer...it bothers them...they renounce domestic life and devote their time for the betterment of society. But...they do not feel all consuming love/affection for any one in the world.

Application of law: Number is very high...intensity is very less.

Some care for a huge group of people but of course superficially.

Application of law: Number is high...intensity is less.

Some care for a select set of people...with pure devotion.

Application of law: Number is very less...intensity is very high.

Some care for only 1 person...self-love. Let every one around suffer to make this person happy...yet he/she would not be bothered as long his/her happiness is not compromised.

Application of law: Number being 1 intensity is decadently high.

PS: Apologies for the sermonic undertones...but let’s not call people selfish any more.  

The narcissist’s dilemma

First take the test and find out whether or not you are a narcissist.

Test: You are in front of a glass pane that is reflecting some light forming your image and transmitting some light letting you see the person standing on the other side. The person on the other side is exquisitely handsome/pretty.

Now who would you rather check out? The other person or your own image?

Yes…you are a narcissist if you have opted to ogle at yourself.

Now about the dilemma…

The narcissist faces the ultimate dilemma when he or she is told about their resemblance with another person. The narcissist will take a good look at this person.

And then look at the different pictures of him/her again and again trying to decide who looks better.

Now if this person looks better than the narcissist he/she would be upset because it proves that a better looking version of himself/herself exists in this world.

And if the person looks worse than the narcissist he/she would be upset because it triggers the disturbing thought that another person has found this ugly person similar looking.

And thus after suffering from prolonged mental anguish the narcissist finally looks into the mirror…one place that never fails to provide solace…takes a deep reassuring sigh…tosses out the pictures of the lookalike and declares with conviction, “I’m always the best.”

There’s something Fishy about a Bong who doesn’t love Fish…

Bongs can be segregated into 3 categories with respect to their relationship to fish.

1. Secure marital relationship…love for each other happily announced to the world:

These Bongs eat fish every day and flaunt the fish recipes to the rest of the world.

If someone ever puts a question mark over the delectability of fish he/she would be invited over and treated to several dishes prepared to perfection until the person succumbs to the subtle appeal of fish.

Relationship quote: “I love you dear…you love me too…and if anyone ever dares to criticize you I’ll punch the person to death.”

2. Secret affair…all consuming love but scared of admitting in front of the world:

These Bongs suffer from some sort of identity crisis and try to conceal the innate Bongness by flaunting their aversion to fish. But when no one is watching they would sauté fish to perfection, subject himself/herself to sheer gluttony and take a satiated sigh of relief.

Relationship quote: “I love you dear but the world makes cruel jokes about our relationship…so let’s just pretend that we are not into each other.”

3. Sedate taken for granted relationship…deeply in love without even knowing

These Bongs are used to having fish for lunch and dinner every day. Ask them whether they love it and you would get a prompt “not really” as reply. It’s when they move out of home that they realize that they had always loved fish. [because unlike chicken cooking fish mandates a considerable amount of skill and this skill is a closely guarded secret kept by Bong mothers] Some love bhetki and pompfret…some love prawns [yeah prawns, shrimps, lobsters…all are fishes to Bongs J]…some love pabda and parshe…but they do love some fish! They just needed to be apart for some time to realize their love for fish.

Relationship quote: “I don’t love you…you and I are just friends…like life and air…like flower and fragrance…like music and rhythm…”

PS: Since we have also discussed relationships in the sub plot one tip to the non Bongs dating Bongs…instead of saying the mispronounced “Ami tomake…” line say it in your own language  [though it sounds incredibly sweet when you say "tumake" instead of "tomake"] …the recipient would love the exotic appeal. Winks!