Making up

Deepak looked at his beautiful wife Nidhi looking out of the plane window. The frown in between her eyebrows was barely noticeable and a third person would have assumed that she is observing the scenic display outside as the plane was preparing to land. But Deepak knew that she was mad at him. He knew that he had done something that irked Nidhi but as usual he had no idea why she was angry. But Deepak was sure of one thing…if he did not figure out the problem soon enough it would escalate to a fight.

But as always Deepak did not have the patience to unravel the cause of her angst. He did what he was best at. He apologized.

“I am sorry Nidhi.”

Nidhi looked at him.

“Why?”

Deepak felt like a second standard student whose teacher had asked him to show the calculation process after he had managed to copy the correct answer from somewhere.

“I…well I know you are hurt…and I feel bad about that,” mumbled Deepak.

“But why?”

“I don’t know Nidhi. Tell me what it is that made you sad…I will…I will undo it.”

Nidhi huffed and looked outside again.

Well you are probably thinking that Nidhi is a difficult wife but she is not. She is just a normal woman who wishes to be understood without having to explain every single detail. Women are big time lovers of magic and if you have to explain the steps to your magician then the charm of the trick is gone!

But Nidhi knew that as always she will have to walk him through it. Her husband will not be able to arrive at the solution by himself.

“You had the time to login to Facebook during our vacation. I saw you gazing at random posts while I chattered away like a monkey. If you didn’t want to talk to me then why did you take a vacation?” Nidhi said.

“I logged in once or twice only. Really sorry…I was listening to you the whole time.”

“It is disrespectful to do that. You might as well tell me to shut up.”

“Sorry.”

But Nidhi was still silent and staring out of the window.

Deepak realized that it was just the introduction that would slowly unfold to present a bigger offence.

“We still had a great time Nidhi. You are right. No internet during vacation. I will not do it again.”

“I had also logged in one day to update my cover picture but that was it.” Nidhi stated an ominous statement.

Deepak wondered if his real fault was in not updating his cover picture around the same time.

“Ok I will also put up a new picture on my cover…I just forgot,” Deepak quickly promised.

“What?” Nidhi looked at Deepak in deep annoyance. “How does you changing your cover picture help?”

Deepak kept silent. So she expected him to do something else and not change the cover picture.

“Look I saw that you found time to like and comment on other people’s pictures. When it comes to my cover picture you are strangely silent. You sure were not like this earlier. Before we got married you almost stalked my profile day and night.” Nidhi finally said what it was.

“Oh…so that’s the main reason!!!” Deepak felt as joyful as a PhD student who has defended his thesis successfully.

“Nidhi dear…before marriage I was never in your cover pictures.”

“So?”

“That’s why I could like and lavish compliments on them. Now it is a picture of you and me. I find it silly to like my own picture.” Deepak confessed. Surely this was a very reasonable argument.

Nidhi calmed down a bit and after 5 long seconds she added that it was not the real point either.

“Then what it is that is bothering you? Tell me…don’t keep it within.”

Nidhi felt an explosion of anger and sadness within her heart. This was the point that made her feel like a beggar. This having to explain what she wishes to hear. How she wished Deepak would somehow read her mind without any hint from her.

 “You never say romantic things to me anymore. You never utter a single sweet nothing. Yes it could have been a great vacation but it wasn’t. I did not feel loved at all.” Nidhi’s face looked red.

Deepak was deeply hurt too. He had planned the vacation keeping in mind Nidhi’s preferences and now she was saying that she did not feel his love.

They were now outside the airport walking towards the long queue of cabs.

“Nidhi I love you. You know I love you…” Deepak stuttered.

“My love for you is as plentiful as the stars in the sky.” Deepak made a lame attempt at showing some “romance”.

Nidhi sighed an audible sigh and gave him a sarcastic smile.

She then looked up and started to count. Though it was a clear night very few starts were visible due to the haze of the city lights.

“1 2 3…4…5…I see 5 stars in the sky. Deepak your shabby pick up line got screwed by light pollution.”

Deepak looked up and smiled as the tension started to slowly dissolve between him and his wife. At this point a high pitched female voice called out his name.

“Deepak!!!” a slightly plump but beautiful woman was smiling at Deepak with a look of happy surprise on her face.

Nidhi scanned the woman from top to bottom. Hair styled to perfection, kohl rimmed dark eyes that were not exactly beautiful, a sharp nose and a dimpled smile. Her body was full and though she was a little bit on the heavier side she still exuded a seductive vibe. Naturally Nidhi did not like her at all.

“Niharika! You have changed so much. ” Deepak was awkward.

“Oh really? Look at you…who would have known that you would have grown into this.”

This woman, Niharika was staring at Deepak’s six footer chiseled frame with open admiration.

She seemed to ignore the fact that a woman who in all probability was Deepak’s spouse was standing right next to him. Nidhi swung her head towards Deepak to observe his reaction.

But Deepak looked completely blank.

In his mind he had shifted years back to those days in South Point High School when he used to be the geeky class topper. He was a quiet boy with almost zero social skills. Coincidentally his current wife Nidhi read in the junior section of the same school at the same point of time but owing to the huge size of the school they were blissfully unaware of each other’s existence.

Deepak was the most talked about boy in his grade...but only among the ever competitive mothers of the Pointers. Everyone wanted their child to be like Deepak. Focused deeply in studies and completely cut off from all sorts of merriment in life. But that is obviously not what a guy in his mid teens would expect from life. He failed where he wanted to be discussed. Among the girls of his class he was never a hit. They did praise him a lot but ended up showering him with unsavoury adjectives like “intelligent”, “diligent” and “Mr Scientist”.

Deepak really hated his life. His bespectacled fair face looked too pale and the haircut that his mother chose for him made him look stupid despite his high IQ. His square jaws and what could have been an enchanting smile hid behind the perpetual image of the super geek.

In the evenings when the other kids were often playing Deepak had to go to his tutor Mr Nayak to keep himself sharp and ready for the exams. Mr Nayak helped his students with some extra lessons and Deepak studied in a batch of 15 boys and girls. He was clearly the brightest in the class but Mr Nayak pointed it out too many times resulting in an obvious unpopularity of Deepak.

Life trudged on and Deepak kept fetching perfect scores and though his family was very proud of him they had no idea that Deepak was actually an unhappy soul.

And then one dull evening in the coaching class of Mr Nayak his life suddenly took a positive turn when Niharika decided to join the same batch. She went to an elitist South Kolkata school that believed in making their girls snooty and proud. Niharika used to smile in the way a celebrity acknowledges her fans. Back then she exuded the sugary sweetness of a teenaged girl. The day she joined Mr Nayak’s class, Niharika wore a red top with blue jeans that flaunted her perfect figure. Her hair was tied into a pony tail but she had let a few strands hang loosely on her forehead. It made her look like the cutest Barbie doll.

Deepak was staring at her with sheer wonder and then he watched in a slow motion of surprise as Niharika scanned the entire class and then decided to saunter upto Deepak and park herself in the seat beside him. He fell in love with her instantly.

Deepak’s days were no longer boring. Interestingly it did not affect his grades. He enjoyed his studies more now that there was the motivation of impressing Niharika with his scores.

Deepak performed well in class and when there were tests he always let Niharika copy the answers from him. In return Niharika talked to him and flirted with him. Deepak felt like a hero.

But there was a problem. He was not the only guy who liked Niharika. She was very much aware of her looks and she seemed to enjoy the attention from the boys very much. She was very friendly with most of her admirers and it was hard to make out if it was flirtation or harmless friendship from her side

Then the day came when Deepak logged in to his Orkut account to find a friend request from Niharika and he was sure that he must be special in her eyes in some ways. Girls from her school maintained the protocol that in a girl-boy friendship the boy has to send the friend request first so she is taking a big step here by adding Deepak first.

The next day Deepak asked Niharika out on a gol gappa date and to his immense joy she said yes.

Deepak was happy finally. He had the love of the most beautiful girl in the world. They went for gol gappa dates every single week and it made Deepak feel like he was Superman.

But there was one annoying doubt in the bottom of his heart that often raised its head. He had never told her about his feelings nor had Niharika confessed about hers at least not in explicit terms. So the relationship was still standing on shaky grounds.

In teenage a simple exchange of “I love you” would have made that foundation solid and cemented and Deepak started planning on those lines.

He wracked his brains and tried to sum up the courage to tell her explicitly. But he needed a hint of her approval before he actually said those almost forbidden words.

One day in the middle of a sleepless night he got a wonderful idea. Orkut provided a feature where you can add a person to your crush list. If that person adds you as well a notification mail is sent to both or else it stays hidden. He knew it was not really a foolproof method but still wanted to try it. 

Then maybe he would find a friend who could go and make Niharika aware of the feature in case she had not heard about it.

He immediately got up and logged in. He took a deep breath and promoted Niharika to a “crush” and spontaneously broke into his enchanting smile in the privacy of his room. Before going to sleep he decided to check his mail…just in case.

To his sheer delight and utter amazement there was a mail from Orkut.

“Congratulations!! Your crush loves you back!” --- A simple one liner that took his breath away. Niharika had added him as a crush way before! She felt it too!

Deepak cried out in joy and threw his arms up in the air. He had won many prizes in life but no other joy equaled the joy he felt tonight.

He went back to bed feeling super happy and could not fall asleep for a long time. Then he slipped into a beautiful dream where he was solving Niharika’s sums while she was caressing his hair.

Luckily he had a class at Mr Nayak’s the next day evening. He put on his favourite black shirt and even perfumed his hair. Then off he went to the class…today he would go down on his knees and confess his love to Niharika.

As he entered the class he saw Niharika already inside. She was surrounded by a group of giggly boys and girls. It was obvious that she had already shared the story with others. Deepak felt a slight tinge of annoyance. He had wanted to talk to her first and she expected the same of her. But she seemed very happy so Deepak just brushed off the feeling.

He went ahead and took his place beside Niharika. Mr Nayak entered the class at this point and for the next one hour Deepak got all his sums wrong. Finally the class was dissolved and Niharika pretended to leave.

“Hey Niharika…wait a minute” Deepak was bold today.

Niharika smiled her typical coquettish smile.

“Do you want to tell me something?” she asked sweetly.

Some boys and girls gathered around them. They looked like excited cheerleaders.

Deepak felt blood rushing to his cheeks. He had planned a private affair but Niharika was obviously expecting him to make it bigger.

He looked at the beaming faces around and gathered some confidence. “They are her good friends who want to be happy for us,” he told himself.

And he went down on his knee and sang out the most perfect rendition of “If had to live my life without you need me...”

And when he was done he looked up in expectation. Everyone was suppressing a giggle like they were waiting for the punch line of the joke.

Deepak felt so nervous. He looked at Niharika sheepishly and sure enough he got some courage from her sweet smile.

“I love you Niharika” Deepak heard himself say the hallowed words.

It was Niharika’s turn to say it back. Deepak felt relieved. His job was done.

“Thank you Deepak but I am sorry…I don’t love you back.

I add everyone to my crush list. This allows me to find out which jerk is crushing on me currently under the pretext of friendship. And I avoid them from then on.”

Niharika’s face was sporting the most sadistic smile that could ever be.

Everyone erupted in a cruel laughter.

They had gotten their punch line.

The humiliation had made Deepak physically ill. He could not eat or get out of bed for 3 straight days. The word spread quickly and two boys from his school came to visit him home.

“Let go of it Deepak. You are our star…you deserve much better. This is for you.” They handed him a hand crafted card from his class which said, “Deepak…the light of our class…get well soon.”

It was not exactly classy but that simple line of cheer gave him a lot of strength. With passing time he put the incident behind and just as his childhood had shown he went on to become into an exemplary student. College life transformed him magically. His singing skills made him a hero on the campus and he found the encouragement to work out regularly and take care of his looks as well. Overnight he transformed into a hunk who sang romantic songs and scored straight A’s with equal élan.

Then life presented love to him in the form of Nidhi, his somewhat crazy but otherwise wonderful wife who loved him intensely. He was happy and settled in life. The teenaged geeky Deepak was a far cry from today’s successful and self assured Deepak.

And today after so many years life made him stand face to face with Niharika.

Deepak looked at the woman standing in front of him and felt a pang through his heart. The humiliation still felt real even after so many years and Deepak felt a cold rage towards Niharika.

Sure she had not grown into the beauty that others had expected her to but she still seemed to have that snobby air of over-confidence.

“Good to see you.” Deepak curtly said and kept walking tugging at his wife.

Niharika was a bit stunned at the snub but Deepak was in no mood to be polite to her. He simply walked past her.

“Who’s she? Why didn’t you introduce me to her?” Nidhi immediately asked as she hurried along with Deepak after taking another look at Niharika.

“She went to the same coaching class with me years ago.” Deepak simply replied.

“Why did you behave so rudely with her?” Nidhi kept on asking.

“Because I liked her a lot in those days and she had turned me down in a very humiliating way.” 

Deepak briefly explained in a somewhat snappy voice.

The look of hurt in Nidhi’s face was visible.

“Please don’t feel hurt...I didn’t want to hurt you. She is not an ex girlfriend,” said Deepak.

Nidhi came closer to Deepak as if seeking a reaffirmation of their bond as she said, “No it’s ok…I’m glad that you told the truth. It’s way back in the past…it shouldn’t affect me now.”

It was not clear if Nidhi was talking to Deepak or to herself.

“Come on…now don’t feel sad. I never loved her. I am all yours Nidhi. I love you,” Deepak tried to assure his wife.

Nidhi still looked a bit unsettled and glanced back once more at the receding the figure of Niharika.

“You felt bad even after seeing her?” Deepak said. “I had no idea that you would feel insecure after seeing that fatso…you clearly are way hotter than that evil witch…I mean did you see...”

Suddenly Nidhi threw her arms around Deepak and hugged him, “I love you.”

“What happened?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Nidhi simply smiled.

Deepak had finally uttered the right words and this time he did it with conviction and without any prodding… but it was pointless telling him so.

Deepak did not quite understand what made his wife angry in the first place and why she suddenly became happy again but he was really glad about the joy that they felt together at that instant and hugged her back tightly. Life is good with her…he happily thought.

They smiled at each other and headed home quickly...the mood had been set for a wonderful night ahead.

Much Ado about Cooking

I am a highly misunderstood person…just like you. I had dreams and ambitions in my life…just like you. Some came true and I had to let go of the others...just like you. But the similarity ends there.

I am a person who has had 2 failed relationships; a marriage and a live in. And that puts me in the bracket of people who are deemed unfit for a life-long, stable relationship. Some people with a twisted mind even label me as “cool”…they truly feel psyched about the way I have led my life. But I never had the wish to have broken relationships. Till this day it hurts.

My marriage happened to my first love Ri. Ri and I met in college and it was love at first sight. The college days were such a whirlwind of perfection. We were insanely happy and high…all the time. When we spilled the beans at home our parents did not show the slightest sign of disapproval. Why would they? Ri and I had both bagged jobs with a multinational corporate and we seemed to deeply care for each other. They were happy that we did not burden them with the additional responsibility of finding the right match for us.

So we got married in a rather long ceremony. All the pictures starting from the pre wedding photo shoot to the honeymoon looked straight out of movies. Everyone was lavish with compliments on our Facebook page and we felt like we were simply the luckiest people to be alive on this planet.

The problem began after that. It stemmed from a very simple issue. I cannot cook and I do not intend to learn the skill as well. After we came back from work Ri used to cook small meals for both of us. I had insisted several times about hiring a cook but Ri seemed to love cooking for me. And yes I loved to come back home to get a warm meal prepared by my love. I had grown up seeing my mom doing the same for my father, my sister and me; so the look of fresh home cooked food always made me feel happy and assured about life.  And Ri seemed to love doing it for me. We were happy.

But Ri had friends who had to interfere and put ideas into Ri’s head. They brought up the feminist issue and said that I am trying to prove a point here. And yes slowly Ri started to believe them. Ri too started to feel that it was my way of trying to ensure that the power in the relationship remains with me. In my defense I can say that I am not lazy and while Ri cooked after office I too did not laze around doing nothing. I dusted and cleaned and filled the water bottles and made the bed. I made sure that while Ri was making the meals I was finishing up the rest of the household chores.

But comparison is a truly horrible thing. The stories of other spouses taking care to cook elaborate exotic meals kept pouring into Ri’s ears. Very slowly I became the uncaring and stone hearted spouse whose only intention was to make a slave out of Ri. Things became bitter and we fought over silly things. Bit by bit we started to hate each other and coming back home from work seemed to be the worst part of the day. And thus one day we decided to end our loveless marriage.

The legal battle was draining for me. Ri and I were both against dowry and no dowry had been exchanged at the time of our wedding. We had decorated our pad with furniture bought with our own money. But at the time of divorce Ri insisted that those belonged to Ri’s family and I had no right on those. More than the financial aspect, the blatant denial and lying and haggling over material stuff hurt me. But I was at least happy that we did not continue with our marriage. I had completely lost all my love and respect for Ri.

It was hard for me to suddenly find myself in the world of singles. I was so used to having a perfect love life that the sudden downhill climb of my life left me confused about what to do next.

But I was young and my hormones were still very much functional. Soon I met Su at an office party. Su was much younger than me and it almost looked ridiculous when Su started to hit on me. I was both amazed and amused. It felt good to know that I still can arouse the feelings of love…or may be lust in another person. We started to go out. Su was very uninhibited about everything. We needed each other in a physical way and we decided to move in together. Again it felt good to know that I could defy the societal norms and start a live in relationship with someone 12 years younger than me. It was liberating. Su loved me, cared for me, depended on me. I had hired a cook from day 1 even without consulting Su. I had no wish to let a simple problem take over and ruin my love life again.

Life was good again. We laughed, we loved, we lived. But fate was not kind to me for long. Soon I could feel Su move apart from me. I could not track exactly what it was but something was driving Su away from me. I was scared of bringing up the topic lest Su admitted it as the truth. So I continued to pretend that everything was fine. But things were not and I had much later found out that Su had gotten involved with someone who was even older than me. Older but richer…someone who could be a better staircase to a better life. Su left me unceremoniously. There was no confession. Su simply said that the love was gone in our relationship. There was a specific list given to me about my inadequacies. A shoddily done list at the last minute and none of the points could make me feel bad except one. Su had said that I never bothered making even a simple breakfast ever. Supposedly it was an effort to impose my superiority on Su. It was ridiculous like the 9 other points and a cheating partner does not really have the right to justify the break up. I knew it but still it pierced through my heart like hard shrapnel. Again?

The lack of a simple skill destroyed my life...two times over. I am not against equality. I believe men and women to be equal. But people have different skills and I believe that one should do what he or she likes doing. We should not have to do things we do not like to prove our love or loyalty. But no one had the patience or willingness to believe in me.

There I was, single at 37, abandoned by two people whom I had truly loved once. There are people who do not care about love and relationships but I am not one of those people. I cannot start to travel round the world with a backpack slung over my shoulders tomorrow and claim that it feels good to be single again. I need to love someone and be loved back by the same person. Turns out that this simple requirement comes with very hard rider conditions…

A year passed by. Things did not get better for me and I started to long for love. I had a 9-6 job and almost never had to work overtime. I know that many people are jealous of that but for a lonely person such work timing can be big curse. I scrutinized my past often and remembered how happy Ri and I used to be once upon a time. Had I really been too rigid? Would it have been better if I had at least tried to learn cooking? I started to doubt myself and one fine day I enrolled for a cooking class. I thought it would be a good way to fill my evenings…and maybe it will enable me to break the jinx.

Well…it was not planned to happen this way but I started to fall for the teacher of the cooking class, Ka.

Ka looked my age and I could see behind Ka’s strong and confident exterior a lonely human being who like me wished for “the comfort human company”. (The word “love” is perhaps a bit too perfect and hence unreal at this stage of life.)

We started to hang out together and it was never necessary to spell out to each other that we make each other happy. I was thinking that all this time why it never occurred to me that my ideal match would be a cook. But first I needed to be honest about myself with Ka. The very next day I disclosed my past to Ka.

“You aren’t expecting me to cook for you…are you?” that was the first reaction from Ka.

I was a bit stunned.

“Come on…who likes to carry work back home? I am a professional chef…I don’t want to cook at home as well! You are an IT architect. Would you like it if I asked you to help with my technical glitches at home?”

Ka realized how wrong the comparison was because my eyes glistened at the prospect of solving the glitches in our purported future.

“Ok…you would like it…but that’s because you get bored at office and hence get excited at the hint of the slightest technical challenge. But me…I love my job! Cooking again at home might burn me out.” Ka put forward flawless argument.

 “Do I have to learn to cook if we…if you and I do become we?” I asked.

“Your wish. At the moment I get my lunch and dinner from a trusted dabbawala. We can continue doing the same and ditch cooking completely.” Ka was smiling.

And I fell for Ka. We found in each other what we were looking for…a trust that we will be there together no matter what.

We got married in a small ceremony attended by a bunch of friends. And yes all is well in our life. And we don’t have a kitchen at our home…we turned it into a games room! Some people find it weird…but for us it makes perfect sense. It has been a rather long course for me but I did find my happy ending at last.

I hid one small detail from you till now. I am a woman. Rishav, Suhit and Karan are men I had loved and love respectively. I am very sorry if I have misled you but I don’t know why I felt that it would be easier to get your empathy if I omitted mentioning my gender.

Poles Apart

Meera was trying to send a mail to her team…just the team roster for the upcoming week. But the internet was acting up and she was caught in the same preview page for 25 minutes. She silently cursed her luck and wished that she had sent it out last night. But last night was Friday and Meera had spent the evening watching the reruns of Big Bang Theory along with her husband, Vicky. Plus they were drinking and making repetitive lewd jokes about what Big Bang Theory should actually be about. So although she knew that she had one task pending she had decided to postpone it for Saturday. Meera had once sent out a garbled official email under the influence of alcohol and she intended to never repeat the same.

“It would just take a minute to send out the mail.” Meera had thought as she happily melted into the arms of Vicky.

And today Meera woke up with a bad hangover. A half asleep Vicky suggested that she should drink herself out of the hangover, an idea that infuriated Meera to a great extent. Meera was already feeling nauseated and wanted to stay in bed but they had to attend a friend’s pre wedding ceremony in a few hours and she reluctantly got up. She started her laptop meaning to send out her mail but the internet refused to be with her. She helplessly looked at Vicky who was still in bed; eyes closed and enjoying the slow unhurried pace of a Saturday morning. How she wished that he would get up and make a cup of coffee for her. But she knew that Vicky’s cooking skills were non-existent and he did not seem too bothered by her plight at the moment.

Meera sighed and popped two painkillers to get the headache in control. She flopped back on the bed meaning to rest herself for the next 15 fifteen minutes but got up after 5. She tried to send out her mail again. Luckily this time it went through.

“Eat something or else it would get worse,” Vicky murmured to her as he rolled over. Meera somehow felt a seething burst of anger towards him and her headache was suddenly doubled. It was his idea to drink so much. She still dragged herself to the kitchen and forced a few biscuits down her throat and then she fell back on the bed. Soon she was fast asleep again.

Suddenly Meera got up and saw that Vicky was sitting on the edge of the bed reading the day’s news. He was all dressed up and ready for the party. Meera looked at the clock and got a shock. A lot of time has passed and they had to start for the friend’s party soon. She quickly got up and rushed to take a bath.

“Take your time,” Vicky said without looking up.

Meera did not have the time to drape a sari and decided to put on an anarkali suit instead. She then started to put make up on her face when Vicky remarked, “Great! You are ready as well. See…I told you you’ll feel good soon. I’ll go and get the car out. Lock the doors properly.”

Vicky went out and before leaving he turned off the AC and the lights. The idea of the AC and the lights running in an empty room bothered him to no end and he just could not trust Meera to turn them off.

Meera did the rest of her face in the sweltering heat of the closed room and rushed after her husband.

Vicky was already in the car and Meera quickly settled herself beside him.

“It’s too hot.” Meera felt like she was getting baked.

“I’ve started the AC…give it sometime,” Vicky coolly said and started the car. A few minutes into the road and Meera started to feel giddy. She desperately tried to take her thoughts away from puking but the more she tried to think of other things, the more she needed to puke.

To make matters worse Meera had the problem of motion sickness since childhood. Buses, cars, trams, trains, almost every moving vehicle managed to get her nauseated. As a matter of fact that is how her love story with Vicky had started in the first place. Both of them were posted at Pune and one day they had to travel in the same cab to the office picnic. Meera had puked out of the window exactly after 7 minutes of the ride and instead of being annoyed Vicky had graciously stepped up and helped her to get clean and to feel better. And that sweet little gesture had led to a series of dates which eventually culminated into a marriage.

But that was a long time ago when the thrill of newness made everything seem perfect.

“Please stop for a while Vicky. I need to get some fresh air. I feel so sick.”

“We are already late. Why do feel sick all the time?”

Vicky kept driving, visibly annoyed with Meera.

Meera closed her eyes and tried to rest her head against the seat. She felt horrible. She did not know if it was her physical discomfort or Vicky’s insensitive behavior that made her so unhappy.

As tears welled up in her eyes, she had fond memories of her father rushing through her mind. She remembered how many times her parents had landed in a tough spot due to her motion sickness. And every time her father had treated her with love. In fact whenever Meera was in some sort of discomfort her father felt quite mad at everyone and everything around him till her health was restored. At one time she had puked in her father’s new car and he had kicked the new car because it made his daughter sick.

Meera has seen streaks of such single minded affection in Vicky in their dating days but things changed a lot post marriage. She glanced at the cold person beside her and wanted to cry.

But she shouted instead.

“You know why I am ill today? Because of you!”

“You suggested drinks night and I was stupid enough to follow your lead. I never drank before marriage.”

Vicky was startled by the outburst but he came back quickly with attacking retorts.

“I didn’t force you. You were boring and I taught you to have fun. And you know that you had this stupid problem much before marriage.”

“So what? You knew it and pretended to care for me just to woo me. Double standards!”

Vicky gave her a raging look and muttered something under his breath. He never took a fight to ugly levels. Instead he stopped communication till peace was restored. Today also he did the same and diverted his attention to the dashboard.

The car halted at a traffic jam and Vicky started to shuffle noisily through the random papers in the dashboard.

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Outside another car came to a stop by their side. A Caucasian woman in her mid thirties was seated at the window while her boyfriend was in the driver’s seat.

She was Ramona Smith who had come to India with her boyfriend Justin for 2 weeks. This was their idea of a perfect exotic vacation. No one had told them about the severity of Indian summers and they had somehow assumed that it would be just shades hotter than their balmy summers.

But the scorching heat is not the only thing that was going through Ramona’s mind today. She had been with her boyfriend for 6 long years and when he brought up the idea of a long vacation in India she was sure that he had planned to propose to her there.

A moonlit night in front of the Taj Mahal and Justin going down on his knees with a pristine ring in his hand…perfect proposal! Ramona had tried hard to not visualize the scene but her mind kept on doing the same over and over again till the point of time when she began to believe that it was a surety.

And then reality happened. Justin and Ramona both felt kind of roasted in the summer heat. The vacation was not even close to the rosy images that they had imagined. Today was the last day of their vacation and Justin had not proposed or even shown any inclination towards marrying her. No, he was not unpleasant to her. He simply talked to her about the routine stuff and how they should come back again in the winters. Not the kind of prelude that you would expect to the proposal.

A gloomy Ramona looked at the car next to theirs and saw the heavily decked up Meera. The Indian woman is obviously married. She usually found heavy make-up and golden jewellery quite tacky but today she was not judging. She just kept on staring at the married couple wistfully. They seemed so secure with their marital status. And then she looked at Justin and sighed. At that very moment he was looking at her with a fairly stupid smile that irritated Ramona to the core. She knew what it meant. They were stuck in a traffic jam and Justin had heard that kissing in public is banned in India. With a police officer in sight Justin meant to see if it’s true or not. He leaned in. The kind of thing that Ramona had fallen for in the beginning but had secretly hoped would go away with time. It did not happen; Justin did not grow up. He was pouting very eagerly. Ramona did not want to be rude and kissed him back.

At the same moment Meera looked in their direction and saw the couple kissing. Foreigners. How secure and happy they looked in love. It was a hot day in an unknown country and yet they did not care. The only thing that mattered to them was the passion that they had for each other. Meera stared at their uninhibited expression. Meera turned her head towards her grumpy Vicky and sighed.

After the kiss was over Ramona looked out again. And  this time their eyes met. Meera’s and Ramona’s. And in a split second they identified the grief they saw in each other’s eyes. They both felt confused.

But the signal had turned to green and the cars sped off in different directions.

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Was she not happy? Why? She was married to the man! Ramona was perplexed. May be she was the typical down trodden Indian wife who was being humiliated over dowry. Or maybe she was being forced to abort her unborn girl. Ramona’s mind was racing when she heard Justin saying something.

“Hey, my mom was suggesting that we get married in the small church where she ran away with my dad to get married. I know it’s a little run-down but they are emotional about it. What do you say?” Justin was casual. Ramona opened her mouth and quickly closed it.

This was the proposal. No poetry, no gloss of sugary sweet romance, not even a ring. But it still was what Ramona was waiting for…the marriage proposal.

She smiled a bit and nodded in affirmation.

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In the other car as Vicky drove ahead Meera was trying to figure out why the Caucasian woman was looking so forlorn with her lover. He seemed to be the perfect romantic lover.

“Here, take this”, said Vicky. Meera looked at him and saw that he was holding out a small pouch of ajwain towards her. “It will help to subside your vomit attacks…I kept a few in the dashboard last time you fell ill.” There was no trace of emotion in his voice.

Meera smiled a bit and thanked him. It was not all that she was looking for but it was something.

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Meera and Ramona stared into path ahead of them. They were not happy…nor were they unhappy. They felt a strong sense of dismay. Both of them silently resolved to never introduce fairy tales to their future daughters. Perhaps the root of all evils lay in unrealistic expectations.

Illegitimate Child

Sheila Roy was having a cup of tea and observing the birds chirping in her terrace. The shy birds had gotten used to her steady glance. The old lady had been doing this every morning for the last five years and her quiet presence did not bother the birds any more. Sheila was an elegant lady and despite her age it was still possible to see her classical beauty. In her youth she used to be an emotional and feisty woman. With age she had calmed down a lot and she now took pleasure in observing the world develop around her. She was exceptional in the sense that she felt that the modern era was much better than the olden days. She would never voice disregard for the current generation and never did she feel any inclination to glorify her own times.

Whenever she found a youth shrugging and complaining about the rushed pace of life and robotic ways of people, she would secretly smile to herself. She remembered her youth when she was raising her kids Mahima, Ronen and Nitin. Sometimes their father, Dinesh Roy had to go out of town for work and there was only the telegram that allowed contact between them. Sheila often suffered from anxiety attacks when she did not hear from him for prolonged periods. She had been orphaned in her teenage and the sudden loss of her parents had made her extremely insecure about the safety of her family. She remembered that she wished every day for a device that could connect families across geographical boundaries.

And now, 2 more generations later her wish had been granted. In the next room her daughter Mahima was talking to her son over Skype. People said that technology is increasingly disconnecting people. She brushed it off as the usual rant of the human race. A certain degree of self absorption was present in all generations, she felt. In her times people gathered to sit together and chat. And now people connected more over the internet. But the motive has always been the same, to win approval of others about your own existence.

Suddenly a waft of raised voices came floating into the terrace. Mahima was arguing with her son again. Sheila got up intending to intervene. The birds suddenly took notice and flew off in a hurry. “Bird brained indeed”, she muttered to herself as she trudged to her daughter’s room.

“Hey Dida!!!”,  Shom looked happy to see her face in his laptop. His dida has always been a staunch supporter of him and even now her entry into the room seemed to assure him across the seas.

“What is it that you two are fighting about? Are you pressing him for leaves?”, Sheila asked.

“Ask your grandson. No mother in her right mind would be able to control her temper after what he said to me,” Mahima huffed.

“Ma…come on. It’s nothing dida.” Shom’s face seemed red.

“If you are so ashamed of it, then why are you still doing it?” Mahima screamed.

“What is it? Is it about his live in relationship? Is that it?”, Sheila asked.

“You know about it? ”

Both Mahima and Shom were shocked.

“If you two intended to keep it a secret why did you have to fight over Skype so loudly every day.”, Sheila smiled.

“I’ve known for a long time but I saw that you preferred to keep it a secret so I was content knowing Melissa as your girlfriend. At least you had introduced me to my granddaughter-in-law.”

“She is not your granddaughter-in-law officially and that’s not my only problem”, Mahima fumed.

“Ma I gotta go…” Shom started.

“ I’m about to become a grandmom…to an illegitimate child.” Mahima broke down inconsolably.

“We never got the time to marry. Plus it does not matter to us…why do we have to seek validation from anyone else about our relationship?” Shom weakly protested.

“I’ve never been a typical mom. I gave Shom all the freedom in the world. I never intervened in his personal life and never told him who he should sleep with. I’ve even accepted their live-in relationship. They promised me to get married before having a child….and now they say that there is no time.”

“Why ma why? ”, Mahima was howling now.

Sheila was shaken by the piece of information she just received. She had lived a complex life and time had taught her to hide her reactions. She wanted to tell her daughter a lot of things to console her…but no words came out.

“Ma and dida, I have to go…Melissa is throwing up again.” Shom quickly disconnected the call. It was not possible to know if the excuse was real or made up.

“Mahima, I have a story for you,” Sheila said quietly.

“Please ma…I’m well past the age for your stories and morals. I cannot be this flexible. They are playing with their unborn child’s future.”

“Calm down, Moni. I want to tell you a real story. I have lived in pre partition times. I had to face life threatening situations…those experiences have taught me to value life more. ”

Mahima was quiet suddenly…she had grown up listening to excerpts of her parents’ life and every time they fascinated her deeply.

“I had just gotten married to a man 15 years elder to me. It was a typical arranged marriage. The groom came from a Kulin family and was a lawyer by profession. Yes, he was good looking too. So your grandparents and my parents never felt the need to take my opinion of him. To them I was too young to decide for myself. In the days following my marriage, wide spread riots had broken out. In those days we lived in East Bengal and it was still a part of India. My new husband told me that he is secretly making a plan to move to Calcutta in the coming few months. I did not know that he would not get the chance to complete his plan. That night an angry mob had attacked the house of my in-laws. My husband did all that he could to save lives. He helped the women and children to escape first. I remember him smearing kajal all over my face. “You have to hide your beauty till the situation is back to normal.” He pushed a bundle of notes into a nonchalant little bag and put it in my hands. “Keep it with yourself and run…I’ve to go back and help others to safety.”

As I looked back I saw his house; the house where he had grown up was up in flames. I was only 16 years old. I ran along with his 2 sisters in the darkness with almost no hope to live. Soon Mira, my youngest sister-in-law took a right turn and forced us into a small hut. It was a muslim household. Mira used to play with the children of the house. They readily gave us shelter from the riots. Her presence of mind and forbidden friends had saved us that night."

Mahima had grown calm…she was listening to her ma. It was a story that she had heard several times in her life. Whenever she felt ill equipped to deal with her struggles her mother used to share the first hand atrocities that she had to face in her youth. And every time the story worked like magic on her.

Mahima felt a lump forming in her throat. Soon her mother would reach to the portion where she would reach the safety of Calcutta only to hear about the death of her own parents. Barely days after her marriage, Sheila had been orphaned. It was indeed very difficult to settle down in a new place amidst new people but she fought with the situation no matter what.

Sheila sighed and paused. It was still difficult to revisit the memories of her family’s sudden death.

“And then you grew close to baba in the still-unfamiliar lanes of Calcutta? Suddenly your stranger husband became the only one for you in the whole world?”, Mahima said to fill in the heavy silence. 

“Your arranged marriage has more love than any love marriage of any era, Ma.”

Sheila was silent.

“This man who I was married to and who saved my life is not your father.”

Mahima zapped her head towards her mother in absolute shock. She had heard the story over and over again. Not for once had her mother hinted towards such a thing earlier. Mahima’s father had passed away only a few years earlier and he had always loved and cared for his children. Till his last breath he had been quite the ideal father. Mahima did not want the perfect memories to be spoilt by the introduction of a new biological father. Who was her real father then? Her mother’s secret lover? Or was she raped?

A thousand ugly thoughts crossed her mind and she felt an insane rage towards the new person about to enter the picture.

“I don’t want to know,” Mahima  lowered her eyes. “Dinesh Roy was my father and will always be my father.”

Sheila smiled.

“He was and is your father. I mean he is your legal as well as biological father.”

“But you just said that…”

“I said my deceased husband is not your father...”

“When I came to Calcutta, along with the news of your grandparents’ death I also got to know that my husband had been killed too.  I was a widow and an orphan, in a new city when I met your father, Dinesh. He too was a migrant. Young and strong, he was doing all that he could to organize us, the refugees into a community. He was there working 24/7 like a messiah giving new hope of new life to one and all.”

“He saw the grief in my eyes and did not want to intrude into my personal space. Instead he simply extended his hand and asked for help “Will you help me to rehabilitate the refugees?” Those words of iron, not tinged with a shred of pity gave me courage. And I fought alongside him. I thought of what I had lost and vowed to treat every stranger as my own.”

“Those days were very difficult but things changed slowly. Dinesh had managed to find a good job eventually and he decided to send me to college. We had the option to part ways then. But we both knew that we were hopelessly in love. So we decided to start a family together. Then you and your two brothers were born and we had finally found our happiness amidst grief and anarchy.”

 Mahima was sitting with an open mouth.

“Your first husband…he died that night too? You met my father after migrating to West Bengal?”

“Judge me if you wish. But this is the true story...maybe I was wrong in keeping the truth from you for so long. ”

“I’m sorry ma…did I hurt your feelings? I’m not judging. I’m just overwhelmed. You always made it seem that baba was the man who saved your life in East Bengal. I didn’t know that you married him later.”

“I did not. Your father and I had never married.”

Mahima stared at her mother is disbelief.

“Everyone knew us as a married couple already. To marry again would have been ridiculous. You see, we never got the time to marry. Plus it did not matter to us…we never felt the need to seek validation from anyone else about our relationship.”

“So think before you feel sorry for your unborn grandchild, Moni. Technically you too are an illegitimate child.”

Closure

Priyadarshini was bored. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon and there was absolutely nothing that she had on her mind. She turned on her laptop in search of some entertainment and logged into her Bharat Matrimony profile. She looked at the saved settings and made a few random refinements to narrow down the search before finally proceeding to look for the matches.

This was her usual routine for the past 5 months. The refinements were always made in the department of looks. A requirement for a certain height, a certain type of build, a certain type of complexion, etc were updated… Priyadarshini never applied any bar to the other categories. Community, caste, religion, money did not matter much to her…she never screened the prospective grooms on these criteria.

Yes, Priyadarshini was a girl who was simply obsessed with beauty. She had attained the marriageable age and although she had two semi relationships and one serious relationship in the past, she had no one in her life currently. When I say no one, I mean no one good looking enough to work for Priyadarshini in the long term. So when her parents asked her if she would like some help from them to find a suitable match she readily agreed. Her parents were relieved and taken aback at the same time. They had prepared a rather long speech on the advantages of marriage and on why it was the correct time for her to get married and all that seemed to be a wasted effort now.

According to Priyadarshini she had the right to look for a handsome guy. She herself had almond shaped eyes, high cheekbones and a smile with the right amount of cheek in it. She had a tall and slender figure to match her alluring face. In a word men found her simply enchanting! And she felt that she too deserved to be enchanted by a man who had the right kind of looks. For 5 months she unsuccessfully searched for a probable mate on the Bharat Matrimony portal.

But for the past few weeks, something had changed. There was this one guy Rahul on Bharat Matrimony whose smouldering looks had her enamoured. There would be days when she would login and just stalk his profile. She had almost read every clause the guy had penned down and she seemed to fit his requirement perfectly. Yet, this Rahul guy refused to send her any message or even express interest in her.

You would be thinking why she did not take the first step ahead but you see Priyadarshini had to be wooed into a relationship. That was another non negotiable part of the deal. She looked Rahul up on Facebook. A profile showed up where pretty much every piece of information and every single picture was locked. She fumed and cursed at him through the screen, “Who are you, a girl?”

Priyadarshini modified her profile a bit more to match Rahul’s criteria perfectly and logged in regularly to the portal to increase her visibility. She even talked to a few customer care agents from Bharat Matrimony to ensure that her profile was active. One of the agents kind of guessed her apprehension and suggested that the guy in question might be a free member with limited privileges so it would probably be better if she took the first step.

Priyadarshini’s heart started to beat much faster. That must be it. In fact every day Rahul and she logged in to the portal almost at the same time with amazing regularity. In 2 seconds Priyadarshini had figured it out. There was a pattern. Rahul was also logging in like her to get himself noticed. Beyond the virtual portal the two people were already talking in the same language.

Priyadarshini got too excited to be able to think properly. She went out for a walk and when she came back home after an hour she had the perfect plan in her head.

 She created a new profile in her name. This time she uploaded conservative pictures and gave limited details about herself. She lied in the portal and wrote that her parents were initiators of the request and launched the new profile. Soon after, she sent a message to Rahul. Only thing is that she pretended to be her dad. You see, she taking the first step was not cool but her parents helping out their would-be son-in-law to sweep Priyadarshini off her feet was totally in line with her pre set norms.

Her scheme worked. Rahul did accept the request and he did send across his parents’ contact details. And things then seemed to go exactly like a choreographed dance recital! Rahul came to visit Priyadarshini with his parents. Everybody showed their best sides and things looked too perfect to be true.

Since the parents were in complete agreement with the match, the bride and the groom were given a month’s time to interact and take the final decision.

Priyadarshini’s days changed overnight. She no longer had lazy afternoons nor the wish to look for better looking guys. She was beside herself with joy to know that Rahul did want to woo her, to know that Rahul’s personality was a charming complement to his good looks, to know that she was totally able to control her future husband’s life…

They talked mush, they talked serious…but whatever they did seemed to happen with remarkable ease. Rahul was the last thought she had on her mind when she went to bed and he was the first thought she had on her mind when she woke up.

Things happened just as in a fairy tale for 2 weeks. Then all of a sudden Priyadarshini felt a distinct change in Rahul’s attitude. The messages became a little less frequent. The calls got a little stiffer. The dates got postponed for some reason. She brushed it off at first thinking that it could be work related stress or Rahul might simply be ill. ( Yes, Rahul being ill was a much safer proposition than Rahul losing interest. ) But then things worsened further to the point that Priyadarshini felt that she was forcing him to love her. She became the initiator of all conversations and he messaged only to reply to her messages.

When she asked him about the change, he avoided the topic. Her alarm bells were screeching at this point but she prayed for the creases to get ironed out soon. But Rahul suddenly became completely unavailable for any call or message. Priyadarshini tried to call him and left him several messages but Rahul simply did not take her calls nor did he send her any message. She did not give up and kept on sending her routine care and concern texts to him. But there was absolutely no response from Rahul.

Then suddenly one morning she woke up to find a long message from Rahul.

 “Priyadarshini, hope you will forgive me for doing this. I have patched up with my long term girlfriend and have decided to marry her. I’m sorry if I hurt you. But you and I had been together for just 2 weeks so may be it would not be too hard for you to forget me. Sorry again, wish you find a way better guy than I ever can be. My sincere apologies and best wishes for your future. ”

Priyadarshini was shivering. She was actually getting rejected by this one guy whom she had imagined to be her knight.

She had thought so many times about trying to cook for him and messing it up...and how Rahul would step up and save the situation.

She had thought so many times about the time when she would almost pass out while giving birth to their future kid...and how Rahul would give her the strength to go on.

She had thought so many times about the retirement days when her memory would be feeble with age...and how Rahul would help her to recreate the good old times.

Every time in her thoughts she was the damsel in distress and he the knight in shining armour.

She had their whole lives planned out and now he was saying it is not going to happen. Her knight was abandoning her...

For days Priyadarshini felt numb and could not face the pain. Then the tears came…and when they came they refused to stop for weeks. She could not figure out if it was the suddenness of the end or if it was the rejection that hurt her the most.

Rahul’s parents called to apologise. They said that they were not aware of the secret affair of their son and that they were deeply embarrassed about the entire episode. They shared their apologies but to Priyadarshini’s parents the words sounded like condolences.

They tried to console their daughter but it enraged her further. It just meant that they knew how much deeply she had felt for Rahul and how deeply he had managed to hurt her. She detached herself from the world and deactivated her FB account. She tried her best to counsel herself out of the situation but nothing seemed to work. She tried to login and look for new guys at Bharat Matrimony but all of them seemed to be strangers she had no interest in. And that one guy who had definitely become a stranger continued to feel like her life partner.

Then one day after months Priyadarshini decided to reactivate her Facebook account. On an impulse she typed his name into the search bar. There, on his cover picture was a girl standing beside Rahul wearing mehendi, hot pants and wedding bangles. Priyadarshini finally smiled a smile of relief. The girl looked quite average. Even the maddening happiness of her honeymoon could not make her look prettier than Priyadarshini...Priyadarshini was the clear winner.

That day she realised that it was the implicit suggestion of her being inferior that had her hurt her the most. That day Priyadarshini got her closure.

I Am At Your Feet

Yes, I am talking about our tradition of paying respect to an elder by touching the feet. We have given our feet the lowest status among the visible parts of the human body and to confer a lower status on ourselves than the respected person we need to touch their feet.

There are so many rules regarding the feet! You cannot enter certain holy places with your shoes on. In other sacred places they ask to cover your unholy feet before entering. If you point your feet at someone, you are supposedly insulting that person. And if your feet accidentally touch an elder, or a book, or a deity, or money, or … (the list of revered beings) you are supposed to feel sorry and touch their feet. (to cancel out the insult I guess)

This culture of pronaam (yes, I am a bengali and I pronounce pranam as pronaam) is not only limited to the instances when you have accidentally insulted someone by touching them with your feet. You also need to touch the feet of your elders whenever you wish to seek their blessings. So to show someone your respect for them you do not do something to make them feel special. You do something to show yourself as a minion.

My son, who is still not influenced by the idiosyncrasies of the society he has been born into, loves to stand on his books. He also often lies on my lap and caresses my cheek with his feet. And I have never felt a greater happiness in my heart. 

Honestly, as long as the feet are clean and minty fresh I do not see any reason for them to be treated any differently from our hands. Respect or disrespect lies in our hearts and if our hearts are clean does anything else matter really?

But yet, I have to teach him that there are rules created by funny people and you have to at least pretend to abide by them. Else, you need to make Mars habitable like Matt Damon and that’s just too much of an effort.

The Woman : Part 2

She raced to the Lord with all her might,

She was a non believer but not tonight.

Tonight she had to pray for a happy future,

Not for herself but for the life within her.

“Send me a girl whom I can raise to be a worthy Woman,

A person who would go on to be no lesser than any Man.”

A person, who can live a life that is free,

A person, who can be the one I had wanted to be.

An independent one following the words of the heart,

Who would follow no rule and live by logic from the start.

A fearless one who should never be looked at askance,

Nor should anyone force my child into compliance.

A multi tasker and a nurturer my child does not have to be.

A brave heart with a kind soul is all I want my child to be.

A leader whom everyone would look up to.

The most daunting tasks my child shouldn’t be afraid to do.

Bemused the Lord decided to have some fun.

“All your wishes will be granted except for one.”

She found it reasonable and readily agreed.

And thanked the Lord and left feeling relieved.

She went home with her heart full of joy,

And 9 months later she gave birth to a boy!