Honorary Owlhood

Once upon a time…[even before the term “Once upon a time” came into existence] human beings used to live in the wilderness. Bereft of the common comforts of life they adapted themselves to suit the fancies of nature. Since Edison was not yet born they had no arrangement for artificial lights at night. So they adjusted their timings according to the whims of the Sun…waking up at sunrise, working till sunset and sleeping “when the night has come and the land is dark and the moon is the only light.”  

Anyway…eons later mankind evolved beyond expectations and the nights are no longer dark. Unfortunately a major chunk of humanity did not evolve as fast as the other chunks. So these people still retain the primitive qualities and due to lack of progress continue to believe that human beings need to wake up in the morning and that the accepted time for sleep is when the night has come although the land might not be dark and the moon is not the only light!

And the hapless evolved set continues to suffer due to the dogmatism of these regressive people. The evolved people need to drag themselves out of bed early in the morning sacrificing the contentment of a well timed sound sleep in order to keep up with the primitive whims of the people who refuse to evolve. And then when it’s night and they are brimming with energy they need to crawl to bed and endure the malaise of a premature sleep.

May be I will start a movement against this…let me know if you have evolved and can provide me support in this…Winks!

Evolution of ball games

All ball games subtly promote one fundamental instinct of human nature: “Let's shirk responsibility”

The ball represents responsibility, the player(s) represents(represent) us and the game represents life.

Let me illustrate with a few examples.

Tennis- The two players fight hard to ensure that the responsibility lies with the opponent. In the end the person who slams the responsibility back greater number of times wins the game.

Football- Apparently in this game the players are trying to snatch the responsibility from the opposition with utmost eagerness. But look carefully. The motto is to take the responsibility for a while and ultimately place it securely in the opposition’s net.

Cricket- In this game team 1 tries to throw [ok cricket enthusiasts...I admit it's not "throwing" technically] the responsibility at team 2, team 2 in turn tries to send it away as far as possible and then other members of team 1 try their best to retrieve the flying responsibility and fling it back at team 2. This goes on for 2 sessions and at the end the team that manages to get rid of responsibility effectively wins.

People often say “Life is a game…play it” [Well actually a wise man had said it years ago. And bird-brained people who cannot come up with their own lines say it nowadays with a nose-in-air attitude that would not suit even the lord of the lords.]

Anyway…the point is...in life if you shirk responsibility people condemn you and hurl the vilest insults at you…and yet encourage the same spirit during games…and also continue to endorse the “life is a game” philosophy.

Always in two minds…are we?

Sweet nothings

Setting 1:

The love of your life says “I love you” in a public place amidst many more adorable beauties/hunks.

Hey...before you melt off into your dreams let me reinstate that “you” is a very flexible word...it denotes both singular and plural number...there is a very high probability that "you" denotes plural number here.

Setting 2:

The love of your life says “I love all of you”.

Well before you start venting fury through the petunia in your face or try to shrug off the embarrassment in a confused half smile or let the stinging pain flow out through your pristine eyes...hold on...

All of you--- your anger, your pain, your pure heart, your rough words, your sweet banters, your lashing self, your soothing self ...yes every bit of you...all of you... [denotes singular number here]

Be careful. Very.

Songs during a bus journey

Music addicts would know that nowadays an indispensable application in a mobile phone is the FM radio and the music player.

So at a given point of time a normal music lover has access to around 6-8 radio stations (counting the ones suited to his taste out of the total 15-16 stations) and a huge gallery of pre loaded songs in the phone memory.

Common behaviour while listening to music in a bus:

Stage 1:

Flipping radio stations in the hope of coming across a better song...sometimes not even a better song...but just a song better suited to the current mood...

Stage 2:

Not finding the correct song the music lover listens to something mediocre but catchy and then thinks “Ooooh...what a miss!” when he finds the ending line of a seemingly perfect song at another station.

Stage 3:

The music lover decides, "Never again... I will keep sifting through the stations so that I do not miss the best available song."

Stage 4:

The music lover is bored beyond belief due to

Either,  a> prolonged songless commercial breaks

Or          b> listening to partial songs with half-hearted enthusiasm

Stage 5:

The music lover feels absolutely sick of the dearth of good songs and feels tired as his bus journey has not been a satiated experience.

Time to listen to the timeless favourite in his music gallery. The favourite song that might have been there since childhood or from his late teens or is a very recent year-old release that he has never been able to get off his mind.

The music lover finally heaves a sigh of relief as the song flows through him soothing him, erasing out all the fatigue and infusing in him the warmth of conquest.

 Now replace a music lover with “a man” and songs with “girls” and read the last paragraph again...

PS: Who were you thinking about while reading "the favourite song" part? Yes...she is probably the one for you.

Anarchy!!!

Once upon a time...there was a beautiful land called Society.

The land still exists...the applicability of the adjective is questionable though...

Monarchy has prevailed in this land for ages. In the 1970’s the falling of the dynasties of Simplicity, Humility and Quietude ushered in the era of the Complex-es.

The first king:

First name: Inferiority

Last name: Complex

This tyrant had imposed radical ideas on his subjects. Most subjects who in the period of confusion chose to follow his principles ended up living lives of despair and abysmally low self esteem.  A bunch of rebels refused to succumb to his rule and tried to infuse reason and logic in the minds of the dwellers of Society. But they were largely unsuccessful.

That is when they abducted Inferiority’s son and raised them in the wilderness on their own new found philosophies and ideas. When the time was right...they christened him the new monarch in the new millennium.

Yes...you have got it right.

The second king:

First name: Superiority

Second name: Complex

Everyone in the land of Society loved Superiority’s ideas. They all came out of servile mindsets that their forefathers had suffered from. They felt happy all the time.

 The wise rebels were successful...or so they thought.

Until...

...they found out that every one is so complacent that they snub all new ideas.

They are so pleased with themselves that concept of praising someone else was blending into oblivion. Every mediocre person believes in the new mantra, “I am the best...you are worthless.”

The wise rebels knew they were in trouble.

The rebels have abducted Superiority’s son too and are bringing him up with the revised lessons. But the rebels are growing old and their hopes are dimming...

PS: By the way this new kid has chosen to drop his father’s surname and instead use the surname from the distaff side...well...I will leave it for you to guess the surname...

An unfair expletive

A few days ago I heard a kid memorizing a list from his grammar book.

“Bull-Cow

Gander-Goose

Dog-*****

…”

The innocent child was screaming out the list in an attempt to drown the myriad distractions around him. But I being a grown up (and hence the owner of a tarnished mind) was startled to hear a child shouting out a word which is normally used as a standard abuse.

The incident made me ponder about the unfairness of the abuse.

A bi*** (see…still can’t write the word) is generally a kind animal. She does not unnecessarily discuss her peers’ lives and appearances, takes care of her own needs, raises her kids uncomplainingly even after being dumped unceremoniously by her other half(ves) and stays amazingly loyal to those human beings who care to show just a whiff of kindness to her.

…

Yet we chose to associate the word with a negative connotation.

One possible explanation could be the fact that the canine family holds a lower position than Homo sapiens in the accepted hierarchy of the animal kingdom. But then should we not use “Amoeba” to indicate an intense level of vileness?

Tell me if you like the following abuse…”You filthy amoeba!”

PS:

How do dogs curse each other?

During a dog fight we only hear “woof-woof”, “growl-growl”,”snarl-snarl”.

They are probably saying, “Pup of a woman!”

Chauvinism

Not a particularly adorable trait...is it???

Yet...it is noticeable everywhere. I have always felt chauvinism in any form is inexcusable...but who cares about what I consider to be right/wrong...chauvinism continues to make its appearance in the most unexpected places. Let us discuss reflection of chauvinism in literature today.

Poetry for instance celebrates chauvinism. Millions of poets across the boundaries of time, place and language have composed poems praising the beauty of the women they have fallen in love with.

Countless metaphors have evolved in the eulogy of their lady love...

Vulnerable as the moon...delicate as a flower... effervescent as a river...and many more delusional analogies have been concocted by the deranged poets.

Women on the other hand never felt a need to reciprocate this behaviour.

Why do women stay content being at the receiving end of beautifully exaggerated insanity (poetry)???

Would it hurt to pen down a few delirious lines appreciating the handsomeness of a certain man / (men for some people)?

And we cannot say that nature lacks inspiration in any way.

The brilliance of the sun...the vigour of the rugged terrains...the ruthless silence of the mountain ranges ...quite macho...aren’t they??

Come on women...eradicate this social evil. How long will men suffer from this brutal discrimination?

PS: Probably that is why an overwhelming percentage of men do not bother to take care of their looks...lack of motivation!!!