Rules Are Meant to be Broken

The growing chill woke Rai up from her siesta. She remained peacefully confused for a while, unable to remember who or where she was. But the comforting haze did not last for long and she recollected that she was alone in her rented apartment and had been dumped by her boyfriend exactly 5 days back.

Rai got on her toes and turned up the heat. She made herself a cup of coffee and leaned against the large French window watching the brushes of evening slowly dabbing the city with inky darkness. Lights were turned on in bunches dotting the city like a magical land.

And despite the wondrous beauty unfolding in front of her, the scene playing on her mind was that of Monday night. That night she had found out from Facebook, along with 67 mutual friends, that her boyfriend Nilay had gotten engaged to Emma Geller.

Nilay and Rai were currently located in different countries pursuing different career paths. And Rai had trusted Nilay to remain faithful despite the distance. But in the end Nilay did not even bother to break up with her properly before moving on to Emma.

Rai felt the ceramic mug gently warming her fingers as she took a sip of her coffee. She immediately grimaced at the taste. Teardrops and coffee tasted horrible together.

She walked towards the wash basin to throw away the rest of coffee. As she erased the stains in the cup with a soapy scrubber, she thought about the people who could comfort her. She ruled out her mother who had always disliked Nilay and would be in a very told-you-so mood. She thought of all her friends and then ruled them out one by one too. None of them had called or texted yet. They were probably struggling to pick sides after the break up.

Rai rinsed the cup and dried it with a towel and decided to go out for a walk.

She put on a long coat and headed straight for the liquor store round the corner.

But once inside the store her enthusiasm started to dip. She stood lost among all the alcoholic options wondering which one was meant to mend a broken heart. The neatly stocked shelves presented the order and discipline of a library and Rai silently fought the rising feeling of being an illiterate.

Suddenly she felt a light tap on her shoulder and swerved around to see a tall guy standing in front of her, flaunting classically handsome looks and a smile of familiarity. After 3 long seconds Rai remembered him. He was Yash from her college, 3 years senior to her batch.

 “Rai!! I was observing you for quite some time,” Yash said.

Rai looked blank.

“Don’t you remember me?” Yash looked a bit worried.

 “I remember you,” Rai said finally after she regained her composure. She had a major crush on Yash back in college but no one ever had known about that.

“What brings you here? Didn’t expect to see a known face in this city,” Yash asked.

“I have been living in this place for the past 8 months…got a promising job here,” Rai said.

“Oh! That’s cool…I came here on a solo vacation,” Yash said. “Are you looking for something to drink?”

Rai’s cheeks flushed immediately.

“Well…no…I don’t drink,” Rai started. A look at Yash’s face gave her some courage. “I just got curious…Yash-da”

“Yash-da? Bong girls are expert at bro-zoning a guy!” Yash raised his eyebrow. “I was wondering if we could hang out a bit tonight…”

“What do you mean?” Rai’s tone was a bit snappy this time.

“Sorry…,” Yash apologized. “I know I sounded creepy but that wasn’t my intention. I know you’re Nilay’s girl…I was bored and was kind of relieved to see someone I know.”

Yash uncomfortably fidgeted with his hands and pursed his lips trying to figure out the next word to say.

Rai looked at him and thought for a while.

“I’m not offended,” Rai smiled. “Let’s go somewhere…but for coffee. No drinking!”

 “Sure thing,” Yash obliged.

As they rode together Yash talked to her about his trip.

“Never go for a solo trip Rai…big mistake. Take the lousiest of your friends along if you have to but do take someone.” Yash moved his hands a lot as he talked and Rai watched his animated gestures.

There sitting in a cab with an almost stranger, Rai felt a bit better. Listening to Yash babble away took her mind off the gnawing pain within her heart.

She was wondering whether she should talk about her break up when they reached a nice coffee shop. It was located on an open terrace with plenty of potted plants. A strong wind was blowing and people sat there, happy with coffee and messy hair. The primal smell of coffee was enough to give them a high.

Yash and Rai sat down on two bean bags. Yash placed the order while Rai absently scratched at the textured low table in front of them.

“This city has a lot of life in it...must have been a glorious 8 months…I got tired working…”

“Nilay and I have broken up,” Rai suddenly said in the middle of Yash’s sentence.

Yash gulped. He thought hard but could not find any appropriate thing to say.

“Don’t worry…I wouldn’t ruin your evening talking about it,” Rai quickly added as she observed the visible discomfiture in Yash’s demeanor.

He rubbed the side of his nose and said feebly, “You two never really looked like a well matched couple. We always thought sooner or later you were going to leave him…”

“He left me.”

“What?”

The menu book fell out of Yash’s hands.

Rai picked it up.

“He got engaged to a foreigner last week.”

The food arrived and both of them ate in silence.

“I adjusted with everything he put me through…just to make the relationship work. Turned out it was not enough…”

Without any warning Rai broke into hysterical sobs. Yash quickly paid the bill and guided her out of the place.

They walked along a long silvery road leading to a small windy beach. As the sound of the waves grew louder, the unrest in Rai seemed to grow more intense too.

She was pouring out all her pent up pain into spoken words.

Rai had not realized when they had reached the beach and had sat down on a boulder. All of a sudden she stopped crying and looked ahead. The majestic sea and the streaming moonlight created a scene offering infinite peace.

Rai took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I forced you to listen to my misery.”

“Don’t be sorry. I got the chance to know someone properly. That’s never wastage of time to me,” Yash said as he lightly brushed away some of the loose strands from Rai’s face and tucked them behind her ear.

Rai sighed.

“Cry as much as you want tonight. But from tomorrow start a new life.”

“I’m never going to love again,” Rai vowed.

“On the contrary you should start loving hard from now on. Love yourself and find out who you are. When you know who you are, you are less likely to choose losers like Nilay.”

Rai smiled spontaneously though her eyes still reflected pain of immeasurable depth.

“One day you will look back and will be glad that Nilay left you.”

Rai felt the tiniest rays of hope touching her heart and ignoring the inappropriateness of the gesture she rested her head on Yash’s shoulder and took a deep breath.

They sat like that for hours…just breathing in and staring ahead.

For the passers-by they seemed like just another much in love couple.

Finally when Rai looked a bit stable Yash dropped her at her apartment and left for his hotel.

But before leaving he took her email id and phone number. Yash keyed in the details into his smartphone as he stood at Rai’s doorstep.

“I want to send to you the details of a program. It will completely reorganize your routine and help you to come out of this phase.” Yash said.

“What kind of program?” Rai asked. She was already inside her apartment and her silhouette looked dreamy against the dim light of the half open door.

“Well let’s just say that I’ve have been through something similar to this in the past and a certain program helped me to recover. I’d forward the details to you…you can try it out.” Yash explained.

He smiled and shook hands with Rai before leaving.

Rai went to bed mulling over the strange evening she had just spent and deep sleep enveloped her soon.

A few days went by busily before Rai received the promised email from Yash. She was checking her emails from the sterile cold cubicle at her office when it popped up.

It was a short message in tabular format signed with good wishes from Yash. Rai read the points twice.

  

1. Wake up early and run for half an hour.
2. Block Nilay. 
3. Get busy.  Add new hobbies to your routine.
4. Exhaust yourself with work and entertainment and go to bed early. NEVER remain up late in the nights.

Rai started immediately and blocked Nilay over all possible channels. The next few months seemed like the first years of school to Rai. She followed strictly the rules that the weekly mails spelled out and it steadily helped her to wrestle out of the emotional muck.

Rai had made new friends and tried new hobbies. Not all things that she tried suited her. She gave up learning a new language and rock climbing soon. But she also found her love for painting. Rai spent hours painting new themes and it seemed each time like a cathartic experience washing out a bit of her pain.

Then one day Rai decided on an impulse to deviate from the routine. She gave herself a lazy day and had strong coffee at bed time. Rai wanted to face the lonely hours of midnight again. She had not thought about Nilay in a long time and she wanted to see if she could remain strong enough in the nights as well.

That night as she dimmed the lights and sat on her bed, Rai realized that she had healed. She thought of Nilay and felt no trace of longing for him. Rai smiled and forgave Nilay.

She got up and walked around the room. It was liberating to feel good at night again and she turned on soothing music after a while. Rai drew apart her curtains and looked outside. The view was beautiful and she felt happy to be alive.

And then suddenly without any warning she felt a surge of longing to have Yash there by her side. She fought with her wild thoughts but in vain. All through the night she had unpredictable chains of thought appearing inside her head. And finally when the effect of caffeine subsided, Rai fell asleep and had a strange dream about Yash buying a ring.

The next day she mailed Yash on an impulse before logic had a chance to convince her otherwise.

This time Yash’s reply mail did not come in a tabular format. It was an elaborate mail full of apologies that explained that he already had a girlfriend.

Rai read the mail many times. And though her love had not been reciprocated, she did not feel broken.

Rai went back to her routine and decided to not write to Yash for the time being. For a long time she remained just content with life; and it felt better than crying nights.

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Six months had passed this way and Rai kept busy with work and hobbies. Then one day as Rai sat painting a portrait at an outdoor workshop someone came up to her and stood there watching her strokes.

Rai turned to her side to see a bespectacled young man.

“That man looks like me,” the young man said pointing to Rai’s painting.

Indeed the picture shared likeness with him. He had sharp features and a dimpled chin. He was a bit on the heavier side but still cute. Rai smiled.

“I’m Rai,” she said as she offered him a seat by her.

The young man was Ryan, an architect who had joined the painting class in the previous month.

After the class was over Rai and Ryan walked together across the sunny garden towards a small cafeteria. They had a light lunch together and enjoyed small talk.

“I’ve a confession to make. Unlike you I’m not enjoying painting. I came here to distract myself a bit. I’m fresh out of a bad break up,” Ryan said all of a sudden.

“For how long?” Rai asked.

“About a year actually,” Ryan said. “And hence a bit desperate,” he added with an awkward smile.

Rai extended her hand for a hi-five.

“Me too!” she said.

“Really?”

“Yup. Boyfriend married foreigner without any notice. It was the green card which I couldn’t offer that made the difference.”

“Oh! My girl left me for a guy compatible with her caste,” Ryan upturned his lips in a mock expression.

And that’s how their friendship began. They met regularly and shared their uncannily similar stories. And their past pain made them come closer as friends.

One night Ryan took Rai out to a fancy restaurant. They both knew that they were dating. But they were too afraid to spell that out.

After they had placed the orders Rai looked into Ryan’s eyes happily. He looked slimmer and sexier that night.

“I’m thinking about having a drink tonight,” Ryan said. “You?”

Rai giggled.

Ryan was confused.

“Nothing. I just realized that I have missed out on so many things, preserving the list in the hope of doing them with Nilay one day!”

“Like sex?” Ryan asked.

“Like drinking! Wasn’t that obvious?” Rai laughed a hearty laugh.

“Oh…”

“Let’s have it tonight!” Rai said.

“What? Sex?”

“Oh no…I meant drinks tharki boy!” Rai giggled again and gave him a flirty push on his shoulders.

From that night onward things became faster between Rai and Ryan. From movie dates at multiplexes they upgraded to horror movies and romcoms on the couch and then came the time for them to introduce the families over Skype.

Around a year and a half after meeting first, Rai and Ryan flew to their home town together to set a date for marriage.

And it was then amidst the secure setting of impending marriage that Rai found the courage to mail Yash again.

She wrote that she was embarrassed about her last mail and hoped that Yash would let go of it. She did not expect any reply…it was just her way of closing the episode from her side. But a reply came soon.

Yash thanked her several times for mailing again. He said he was afraid to keep in touch as he had turned her down. He talked a bit about himself, asked a bit about Rai and ended the mail asking if he could see Rai in person some day.

Rai was surprised at her own happiness to get an elaborate mail from Yash. And without thinking much she typed in a date and venue suggestion to meet. Yash agreed promptly.

On the day of meeting Rai wore a feminine layered dress and made herself up with much care. The last time Yash had seen her at her worst. This time she wished to present herself at her best.

All along the way she made herself read the messages from Ryan but still could not erase the guilt from her heart.

When she reached the venue she found that Yash was early. He had changed a bit in the couple of years. He looked wiser and calmer than before. His body was still in perfect shape and as he extended his hands towards Rai, she could see his muscles ripple under his shirt.

Rai nervously smiled and walked with him to their pre booked table. It was a simple setting in stark light and yet it felt more romantic than a candlelit dinner.

“Let me start by saying thank you for acting like a messiah to me,” Rai quickly said realizing that they had looked at each other for one whole minute without speaking any word.

Yash smiled warmly and guided the conversation from there. He handled simple and complex topics with equal élan and Rai was gripped by sheer wonder as she listened to him.

Feeling comfortable soon, she decided to tell him about her engagement.

“You’re getting married?” Yash seemed surprised.

“Am I not good enough for it?” Rai was hurt.

“I was just overjoyed Rai,” Yash held Rai’s hands and gave them a light squeeze. “The little girl has grown up. I’m very happy for you.”

Rai looked at Yash’s eyes as she relished the warmth of his hands over hers.

She searched for a hint of disappointment but failed to read his inscrutable eyes.

“Aren’t you married yet?’ Rai said suddenly.

“No not yet. I will do it when I get some time,” Yash said casually.

The conversation lasted for exactly 5 minutes after that and they both parted ways with an air of confusion.

Yash sighed as Rai got into her car and drove off.

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A couple of years earlier Yash was studying a specialized course in human psychology and was designing programs for probable patients of depression when he had accidentally run into a heart-broken Rai. Rai happened to be his first real case study…and falling in love with her was against the rules. 

Yash was now an established life coach and a therapist, popular among the elite circles of the city, free to fall in love with anyone. But as fate would have it, today he was walking into a large and glittery air conditioned shop with drooping shoulders.

“May I help you?” the man behind the counter asked as soon as Yash had parked himself there.

“I need to return this ring,” Yash said as he handed him a square velvet box back.