Eye Opener

All his girlfriends have been consistently jealous of me. And I in turn have secretly hated them all. What I had with Ricky was the most confusing thing of my life. But that does not stop it from being a special part of my life.

I have known Ricky since the time when we were practically children. We were actually in the seventh grade when we had first met but looking back those years seem to be like extended childhood to me.

I had just moved to the idyllic town of Pulakganj with my parents. It all started on the day of a local festival. There was a large gathering in front of a puja pandal and people were jostling to get on to the podium to offer pushpanjali to the goddess. That is when I saw Ricky for the first time. He too was rushing towards the podium meaning to secure a place before the podium was all filled up. The sunlight seeping through the huge trees created a delicious pattern on his athletic frame. Locks of stray hair fell into his eyes and a pair of vivid dimples had taken shape on his cheeks due to his pursed lips.

 I gulped and without any further wastage of time I started to run in his direction. There was space for just one person left when we reached the podium at the exact same time. We both relinquished our claim to it in favour of another elderly lady.

Ricky smiled at me and said, “Aren’t you in Simmi’s class?”

“Yes,” I happily returned the smile. He had no idea that the elaborate ruse to compete for the space was just to get his attention. I was an atheist but god seemed to not mind my ploy at all. My wish was granted that day.

It turned out that Ricky was Simmi’s cousin and I had befriended Simmi a few days earlier.

Pulakganj was a small place and soon we all became a large family of good friends. But the rapport between me and Ricky was more than what I had with anyone else.

We loved the exact same books, the exact same movies and the exact same songs. And when we talked it seemed like the rest of the world had fallen silent. It was as if time had decided to stop to hear us exchange our thoughts.

We were mostly on the combative mode when we spoke. Once Ricky had picked a side I knew that I had to defend the other side. It was like a quaint ritual that we went through in the most simplistic ways. We teased each other, and sometimes even enraged each other. But we also knew the joy of losing to each other.

Simmi had warned me once to not fall for Ricky. Perhaps she had seen the fire smoulder within me.

“He is a bit of a player…don’t get hurt Sujata,” Simmi had told me.

And then she had added in a conspiracy laced tone that Ricky had broken up recently. Her intentions were to keep me safe from him. But my stupid heart leaped up at the information. If he was single it just meant that he could be mine soon.

But my rosy dreams got a cruel shock when I found out that Ricky was already pursuing another girl.

I sighed but decided to wait. My friendship with Ricky was strong and sound. It was me with whom he shared all his secrets and it was me who got invited to all his special occasions. “The girlfriend of Ricky” was a variable position which would change with time but I was there to stay in his life.

However there were days when Ricky’s refusal to hit on me cut through my heart. I was called “Sooji” by him. I did not mind being his “Sooji” but it hurt me when his girlfriends got names like “Cupcake” and “Strawberry muffin.”

Nevertheless my knowledge of the Hindi movies had given me confidence to go through the pain and wait. Sooner or later the best friend gets picked, I used to tell myself.

We grew closer as friends as we grew up together. However my turn in his love life was yet to come.

Ricky’s mother had grown quite fond of me and I knew from her kindness that she could envisage me as her future daughter-in-law. Two generations earlier this would have meant striking gold. Ricky would not have been able to refuse his mother’s command.

But in the current context it was only a mere consolation to me.

Ricky’s girls were all very beautiful. I was nothing in comparison to them. Yes, I had very pretty eyes and a pair of cute dimples to match with Ricky’s but they were lookers of a different league altogether…they looked like they have won beauty pageants across the world.

We moved to college from school and to jobs from college. As soon as I got financial freedom I decided to splurge on a makeover. The movies had promised me that the best friend can take any girl hands down after a makeover.

So after a week of expensive visits to the spas and parlours I decided to present the revamped me to Ricky.

That day every one took a second look at me and every one was liberal with their praises. I was very pleased with the reactions.

And then it was Ricky’s turn. He took one look at me and stopped in his steps.

“Sooji!!! Oh my goodness, Sooji!!! You like a million bucks!!!” His words were genuine and they reflected the happiness he felt at my transformation.

But…as he spoke I could clearly hear the sound of my heart break inside me.

He was truly happy for his friend…but his voice did not have any hint of awkwardness. I had failed to make him feel aware of the fact that we belonged to opposite sexes.

That day I realized that there was no point in waiting for Ricky. I needed to move on.

I scheduled a confidential discussion with my manager requesting for relocation to a different city. When he asked for my preferences I had told him to pick the farthest possible city for me.

Within 3 months of this my manager offered me a position in Skopje, Macedonia. I was over the moon with joy.

I had never heard of the city before and assumed that it would give me the scope to drown myself in newness.

I was truly excited to be in Skopje. It was a completely new culture and I was looking for a fresh perspective in life. It was a perfect match.

But on my very first day at office I realized that it would not exactly be that way.

Another Indian guy Prajit was in the same team as mine. He stood up and shook my hands on meeting me.

“I’m so glad to have another Indian here,” his voice was laden with true joy. He must have been lonely for a long time I thought.

Prajit and I gelled well and I realized after the first few weeks that he was quite unabashed about his romantic interest in me.

Prajit was classically handsome and tall with a fit body. In fact I had found out that he was two inches taller than Ricky. I secretly smiled to myself. There I was running away from Ricky who could never feel a thing for me. And now a taller Prajit was showing interest in me. It felt like a personal victory to me.

The other people in our team were localites. They came to work punctually, worked well throughout the day and left with smiles in the evenings to go back to the warmth of their respective families.

And then there were Prajit and me. The whole evening ahead of us without anything specific to do. So it became obvious that we would spend all our evenings together. We grew very fond of each other and an unplanned dependency developed between us.

I had known in many ways that Prajit had someone else back in India whom he has to go back to once his assignment got over. But it did not matter to me. I was not looking to settle down with him; his role in my life was clearly defined. He would help me to get past my fixation with Ricky.

I was happier than I thought I could be. My job was enjoyable, the place was nice and there was someone wonderful to share all of this with. I finally felt that the chapter of Ricky was fading into the distance.

Ricky and I were still friends and I certainly did not wish to cut him out of my life. One day I called up Ricky impulsively; just to talk to him in the way Ricky has always talked to me; with the highest level of platonic love.

He sounded happy to hear from me. After we talked a bit, I wanted to tell him about Prajit but decided to ask him first about his relationship status. And that’s when it happened. Ricky said very casually that he had gone back to dating his first girlfriend. It felt like a physical punch across the seas.

I disconnected the call soon after he was done telling me about it. I realized the futility of my dates with Prajit. I was still hung up on Ricky who would much rather loop through his set of old girlfriends than give me a chance.

I went home and told Prajit I would be busy all evening as my family will call. And then I started to cry.

Prajit called me when it was dinner time. I received the call and said that I was ill.

Soon afterward Prajit was at my door.

“What happened to you Sujata? Anything wrong at your home?” The concern in his voice was real.

“No. They are alright. You didn’t have to come down Prajit. It’s nothing serious.”

“You have been crying all this time?” My red swollen eyes and shabby appearance gave me away immediately.

I tried a bit to make up excuses but Prajit was persistent. And perhaps a bit of me wished to pour out the pain that I had imprisoned in my heart for so many years.

He patiently heard me out and fixed me a drink. We ate a bit together; my shoulders drooping and my lips barely moving. But when I went to bed that night I could fall asleep easily and peacefully.

The next morning things seemed different. I was feeling stronger and the passage of the night already made the pain lighter for me.

At work I went up to Prajit and thanked him for being there for me.

He simply smiled.

But that evening he came again and this time he was a bit drunk.

“Sujata…I thought you are mine.” He started without any prelude, his words to the point and his voice throaty with pain.

I was taken aback for a while.

“I’m really sorry.” I quickly apologised.

His eyes were still on me, a vacant stare that was desperately searching for meaning.

I went closer and cupped his face in my hands.

“I really like you a lot. When I am with you I do not think of anyone…never have I missed Ricky while being with you…”

I told Prajit that Ricky’s refusal to love me attacked my self esteem deeply and it was that pain which had made me so sad.

“Sujata, you were inconsolable last night…you clearly are in love with Ricky and not me,” Prajit sighed.

I made another attempt at consoling him.

“You are far better than Ricky in all respects. It’s the truth.”

Prajit smiled. I don’t know if it was a sarcastic smile or the involuntary reaction of a human being on being praised.

The complicated conversation went on for a long time. And I realized that in my quick spree of initial assumptions I had conveniently assumed that Prajit intended to break up with me once our stint abroad was over. And the incorrectness of this assumption cost him dearly.

We did not break up that night. We still spent time together, me and Prajit. But things were a lot quieter.

I could not find the courage to meet his eyes that always cast an expectant look at me.

I sat with myself for long periods of time gauging my feelings about Prajit.

Was I attracted to him? Yes.

Did I count on him? Yes.

Depend? Yes. That too.

Could he ever be an indispensable friend? He already was.

Now if you add these up, the result is supposed to be love. But the right side of my brain rejected this left brained analysis and kept on longing for Ricky.

I decided to go on a solo trip over the weekend to clear my mind. Prajit insisted at first that he should come as well and then gave up quickly realizing that I wanted privacy. The burden of guilt multiplied in my heart.

But once I started on my voyage the green trees and the fresh air seemed to assure me that it will be alright soon. I was travelling by the local subway when I noticed a rather strange couple seated opposite to me. The woman’s face seemed to be like an artist’s canvass. Deep brown hair fell on her fair face and accentuated the perfect curve of her red lips. Her nose was sharp, her forehead small and her presumably beautiful eyes hid behind large fashionable shades. It seemed like an angel had descended on earth. Her husband was completely opposite to what she was. His muscular frame made him look scary due to the huge proportions and his face had a villainous scar running across the cheek. Quite frankly he looked ugly and the mismatched couple instantly reminded me of the old tale of Beauty and the Beast.

Perhaps the woman in her teenage had married him thinking of the same fairy tale. Perhaps a part of her was still waiting for him to turn into a Prince.

I kept the insensitive train of thoughts to myself as I observed them enjoying the pleasure of each other’s presence. It was obvious that they were completely happy.

As my station came up I alighted from the train. But I looked back to take one more look at the couple. It was impossible to see such comforting love and not feel wistful about it.

As I looked back I saw the man help his wife to get up and proceed towards the door. They were preparing to get down at the next station. From their movements I realized all of a sudden that the woman was blind. As I saw her lean on her husband with complete faith I realized that I was far blinder than her. She had chosen her Prince right.

And that realization immediately triggered an unexpected outpouring of feelings. I quickly purchased the ticket to head back to Prajit. I had to tell him what I felt at that moment.

I had to tell him that I no longer had a doubt about whom I wanted in life. I wanted Prajit, in the same way he wanted me, forever.

When I reached his door he was taking his bath but I could not wait. I kept on banging so he opened the door rather hurriedly clad in just a towel.

His wet hair and still moist body made me feel very awkward. Only one thought ran in my mind and it was the basic fact that we belonged to opposite sexes.

Today I felt no inhibition to act on my impulses and proceeded softly towards him.

Well it did take some work to convince Prajit that I had fallen for him and that I truly believed that we belonged together. But in the end we were both spent and happy. At that moment we felt immune to all the problems in the world and felt an infallible faith in each other.

Prajit and I got truly serious about our relationship and decided to loop in our families as well after a few more months.

I asked Prajit if his family would approve of me since we came from different provinces of India. He simply laughed it off.

“Two generations earlier my mother would have cried a lot about it. But after Vicky Donor and Two States marrying from a different province has become so trendy! If anything she will flaunt about it to her friends.” His logic made me smile even more. I was finally in the right time and right place.

I had been waiting for Prajit to ask me to stop talking to Ricky. But he did not do it. Ricky and I simply drifted apart with passing time, slowly but steadily we became almost strangers.

Prajit and I were too full of ourselves and hardly ever did we feel the need to look beyond our happy little world. All this while I had been craving for a case of friends turned lovers and destiny had been planning it in the reverse order for me.